Black Roses

national day

2005-08-10T00:20:00.000+08:00

wow.. it's so late now and i just got home.. haha... anyway... hada blast... i met up with sis and mother at 5 to play pool. then mother had to go home.. shan went up to k pool to look for us. then us we are on the way there i saw farhan.. the N.A. one. not my class one. den later saw izzat and irfan and daniel. all of them were heading to esplanade too! so we went together. when we waited for the train we saw slyvia,si min and alice. we ask them to come along.. woo hoo they did! haha. we reached city hall and it was cramped like crack. haha.. we all squeezed together.. blangah happily take advantage...yuck! den later we all finally squeeze to esplanade.. many things happen along the way but shall not eleborate on that.. it's too long. we went there and tried to squeeze in. beil didnt believe that the fireworks will be at the explanade. he kept asking if i was sure. den his gf ask me how i know. and simple. i do read you know. i read the papers. and he stare at me as if i dont look like i could read. wahaha. anyway. me and ying danced to the music but none followed. den suddenly farhan(my class) and the whole trojen gang came.. whao... but we went different ways. we all held onto each other to not get lost. we saw aizzat and nisa. wow wow. haha.. we tried entering the open space but couldnt. finally beil made a way for us. we all pass through but suddenly alice si min and sylvia was blocked by an ass hole who didnt want to move. he nearly scolded them. if he did i would have quarreled with him! damn it! asshole! later on we met fau and shahiran and asnim.. me and sis dance and dance and dance. sis kept trying to make them dance. but couldnt. we tickled dan and he "danced" haha.. asnim ask me to dance with him but i was like. no way... on my mind was like.. that is so liu li's ex. wahaha. den farhan(na) kept doing his sexy dance haha... dance like a horny girl!! hahaha.. really you should've seen him.. wahaha. den the fireworks.. no words can discribe it. it's so beautiful.. so.. WOW! really hada fun time. wanna know more ask me. and ya.. on the bus to go and eat got this stupid indian tried to flirt with me. keep doing his stupid "dian" eyes at me.. i kept blinking away lorx. so yucky.. sis.. thank you once again for protecting me. couldnt have done it without you. i was so petrified. horrendous man. haiz.. edwin. i've nothing to say. my heart really aches. i saw aizzat and nissa kissed under the fireworks and it make me break down and cry. but i wipe it away b4 anyone couldve seen it. haiz.i wished so much you were there shieding me from all those dirty stares of evil men. but only sis blocked me. i was not protected.haiz... i feel really sad now. wanna wither away.

haiz.. i saw hazig and saiful there too. met this new girl. we get to know each other. her name is farah. she was really friendly. kinda like her. as a friend you know wat i mean. i mean some malay girls are really bitchy.. but she's like the outgoing girl who doesnt matter whether i'm chinese.i like her.. really i do. :)

haiz.. edwin... i think you're not reading this either. haiz. when was the last time you saw my blog? last mth? haiz... i feel sick now. wanna faint. wish i will.

you might say im crazy,
you might think i'm blind.
it aint easy being your lady,
and my heart isnt fine.

you left me again,
crying deep inside.
maybe i'm to blame,
for my feelings that i hide.

i wanna see you happy,
even if it's with someone else.
then forget me slowly,
and let me cry to myself.

i dont wanna let you go,
and i know it's selfish.
but i wanna let you know,
that it is you i'd miss.

if you love me no more,
i'll still wont give up.
you may ask what for?
i'll tell you i'd try my luck.

maybe one day,
you'd remember me.
but now my heart shall lay,
till you use the key.

i cant live if you're not happy,
i cant live if you cry.
but i'll learn to live without you,
if it makes you smile.

so edwin my love,
remember what i've said.
maybe i'll be up above,
when i end my life and become dead.

but do know i love you,
and that i always will.
please believe it's true,
i beg you as i kneel.

i'm just going away for a while,
to let you find your way.
i'm sorry to give you this only now,
but i hope you'll treasure me one day.

if even you need me,
i'll be right here.
pick you up with bended knees,
and fight away your fears.

but if one day in the future,
you find another girl.
please hold me near,
as i will be too frail.

and if you really love her,
i'll understand.
but you'll always be my dear,
the angel god sent.

darling... i hope one day you look back and wont regret being with me. i might not be perfect enough for you and couldnt give you wat you wanted and couldnt satisfy you. but what i did was that i gave you 100% of my love. my true love. i'm not saying i'm great. but if you leave. i pray that the new girl will love you like i did. and i hope she's thousand times better. haiz. i dont wanna type further. i need to go and cry.bye.haiz...

racial harmony day!

2005-07-21T20:29:00.000+08:00

WOW! today was really great... i woke up feeling so excited... went to school as normal and quickly changed into my cheong sum! i bought it at china town ya... a long green one... it was beautiful.. wanna thank my darling for following me.. hee hee...

anyway i took a hell lot of pictures! whoo hoo! mrs julie tay say's she like my heels... and so does miss jennifer chua. she just suddenly tap me on my shoulder and said : "your heels a very very nice!" den she smile and walked away.. haah! yes i so loved my heels... i've got taste ya... it was ex ok... i got it from swank... hee hee... ok well i took many pics with sis yiwen kah wai my son chocolate milk(susu) wahaha... mr foo mr goh.. reinald... and so much more... also got a henna drawn... fun day... i won the neighbour's game.. something like bingo.. hee hee.. manage to answer many question... whooo hooo! hee hee... over joyed... well adeline didnt come! what a waste! i took a picture of the dentist.. i also took with him!! adeline is so gonig crazy now! jealous my girl? haahahh....

it was really fun today and we manage to go off early for ec as we all did our work well... wrote so fast man... miss winnie tan even asked me if i'm tired of wearing such a high heels... hahaah... seems to be attracting alot of attention... -_-"" hahaha... anyway... no one wore a green cheong sum.. cool rite? i so love green.. wanted to be unique! something different.. that's why opt for jade green.. plus point is i love green alot! wahaha... it's an outrages colour for girls i feel... i want to be advanturous!

well.. i totally enjoyed today... oh ya... our grad nite theme is superstars.. as in celebraties.. not that chinese singing competition.. wahaha... it's like you could come dress up like elvis or britney or whatever.. ahahah... i'm so excited.. it's like time flies so fast... o level is coming soon already... and grad nite will be here soon! ah oh my goodness! it is so fun!!! whahah! i'm so excited!!! whaahah....

yupzzie.. winzzy is getting his laptop soon! i'm so happy for you my love... hope you'd like it.. hee hee... anyway..dada's b'day is coming le... what should i get him? think think think... MP3? :D

once bitten twice shy thrice bitten sure die(iain)

2005-07-13T22:17:00.000+08:00

i really seriously dont understand... haiz.. yes you must not be a dan xiao gui( scardy cat) but neither should you become like some big gangster right? i really dont get you.. why cant you just know when is the time to stand up and when is the time to lie low.. if you say i asked you to skip classes you didnt.. but for yourself to not pay you can disobey... and i really dislike you always saying i support them instead of you.. i dont support anyone.. i'm telling you the truth.. yes i do give the worst case outcomes but i mean we have to think ahead what... there's alot of what if... you see you have to learn now before it gets a little bit too late... you cant behave like this next time when you have a job can you? i'm sure you're going to say" when i'm working i wont be this way" but once you get used to it.. it'll be difficult to change already... i really dont know.. you've changed so much ever since you go to school... you're so influence by your new friends to just dont bother about important things... you're so stuck out with your new life now... it's like a country boy who goes to a city to work and come back a changed man... and you've become too arrogant.. yes i'm your girlfriend.. but i wont support you on things that isnt good... just like ninjado.. i wont support you.. if you can say me that i dont support you.. have you asked yourself why? do you think that i just anyhow give my support.. you have to gain it just like how you should gain respect from people by respecting them... i hope you think things over... you were so nice that sunday.. i thought the real you finally returned... but you go back again to these ways... i really cant believe or trust on the sweet side of you... i used to be soft hearted to easily think you finally can get things in your head.. kept thinking you really were sincere... but why? why must you turn out to be like this again.... haiz...

once bitten twice shy. thrice bitten sure die...(Iain)

get me a needle and a string, i need to sew my broken heart..

2005-07-07T22:13:00.000+08:00

haiz.. my heart is so broken beyond discription.. the pain... is unbearable.. it aint drama.. haiz... i just ... haiz...i feel so sadden... as there wasnt a reaction from you even when i'm crying my heart out right in front of you.. i know you're numb.. i tot we're ok already... haiz.. maybe it's part of my wishful thinking... haiz.. even if not a boyfriend just a friend will also stop saying nasty things when people cry... but i was crying there while you say nasty things... i'm.. i'm.... haiz.... my heart is very broken... i dont think i can speak again... it's so hard to breathe... i'm crying my eyes out too much.. it has been more then a week..

SOMEBODY! lend me a shoulder to cry on... cuz i dont have that power to even cheer myself up when no one can... i tot i wont ever have to result to that method ever since i've got you.. but.. haiz... i ate black forest too many times le... someone... just anyone... pls... just be here for me... and if possible.. let me cry on you while you give me your loving comforting words...

I DONT KNOW WHO YOU ARE , BUT I'M WITH YOU....

damned...

2005-07-07T17:20:00.000+08:00

watever... i hate today... i just dont want to talk anymore... loose all my happy feelings...cant feel good or nice or whatever there is to be left positive... i wished it all away... whatever... i want to hope.. but today was to horrendours to hope for anything... i'll just wait.. damn.. gotta do ben's work tonight.. he'll be back tomorrow... man.... gotta do the work FAST! haiz... i'm so moody right now i could eat a doughnut... arhz!!! i dont know anymore... i hope you can help me in what i'm going through right now.. damn my life sucks...

complex feelings

2005-07-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

hmmm.... my feelings now very mixed up.. should i be thankful or happy? i dunno le... haiz.. i hope we can start working things out from now.. i've decided to be more open to possibilties... haiz... i'm sorry for what i've said and done.. but i hope you'd also know what you have done...haiz.. if work things out means we both get to say and do lorx... not like i do everything you say it's right... i mean... i really dun understand you sometimes... cuz what you say abit no sense sometimes la... haiz.. anyway.. i just hope things would go fine from now on.. maybe if we just keep somewords unspoken things would be better.. let's just dont say any nasty and hurtful things ok? we mite quarrel.. and maybe alot.. but if we can solve it together means we have overcome an obstacle! and by these we mite grow stronger.. if we keep just saying it's over.. den nothing will be solve.. if all your relationship next time gt quarrel.. den you want to say it's over? den wouldnt it be like you mist find a relationship that you will never quarrel den you all won end? haiz.. maybe by quarreling we get to understand each other more.. it's better den hiding all inside and one day all the surprises comes out.. do you agree? i hope so... hee hee... haiz.. just hope next time you'd see this on a wider view lorx... hee hee... ok la... better not say le.. later you sulk sulk.. boo boo boo..

is it really over?

2005-07-03T17:16:00.000+08:00

haiz.. my mind says to me that it's over.. but my heart says otherwise... which should i believe? i always follow my heart.. but it takes me to a broken place.. where should i go? what should i do? should i continue to hope.. or shall i let go and move on.. but it aint easy.. cuz i dont want it to be easy.. anyway.. i guess you really wan us to be over.. haiz.. i have to surpress my tears.. family around.. cant cry.. hurts not too.. just weep away in the heart.. with no one here for me..it's no point hoping and crying that you will start to realise what you've just let go.. i knoe i'm not very much treasured.. haiz.. i dont knoe how to move on.. my motivation in study all is going down.. aint no meaning to life anymore.. shall just waste it all away.. cant believe this is happening.. i dont understand.. maybe i should have not let myself fall so hard for you.. then it wont be so painful right now... look at me.. i look fine.. but i'm broken inside.. no one saw my sorrow.. not even you.. i wish someone to shoot me in the heart and tell me it's over for me in love.. i dont wanna love again.. cuz everytime i do.. the guy breaks my heart.. each step i take the earth breaks..and i fall to the pit.. maybe i should really end myself.. there's no meaning of living on.. no point no goal.. haiz.. i dont no what my heart wans to do.. maybe i'm just hopelessly devoted to you.. but it's cruel to my heart... the scar is still here... and everytime people ask me about it.. i have to lie.. but the pain of why i did it still stands.. cant hide away from it.. till the end of my life the scar remains.. and shall never forget why it was there... all i wan to let you know is that i will always love you even when i'm gone away from this world.. i hope the girl you find will love you as much as i'm always loving you.. maybe you cant see it in me.. but maybe with her.. you can see... i knoe you no longer love me as much.. even if you do.. it's like a small bit only.. i'm just sorry if i have wasted a period of your time.. it's time for me to get off of this face of the earth.. goodbye my love.. shall always love you.. hope you find happiness without me..

the flame of the fire,
hurts my skin so much.
death is now my desire,
which i will touch.
you left me,
but i still love you.
you took the door key,
and walked right through.
you left me there,
broken inside.
leaving with no care,
as i held hope so tight.
thought you'd be back,
but i'm lying to myself.
reality is the fact,
and it destroys my health.
now that you're gone,
and me alone.
we both were wrong,
but there's no ringing on my telephone.
maybe you made up your mind,
to come back? never.
but for the last time,
i will love you forever.

goodbye my love..

finally

2005-07-02T17:42:00.000+08:00

well first of all, it has come to my attention that my music dont work.. so i've decided to take action. i found out that my music was hidden and needed to be clicked in order to play.. as my blog is a "dark" site, i used my chemical romance song : Helena. but i thought of something.. what if You the readers of my blog prefer a different song? i want to make that the reading of my blog is a leasureable one thus i've put a new music system so you can your own song! GREAT? am i a genius or what? okay.. shall not crap too much..

ok.. the papers have been writing alot of articles on one blogger.. which is known as sarongpartygirl, FYI she's the one who posts nude pictures of herself on her blog BUT has taken it down on account to her love ones. what was your reaction when you heard about this?shocked?outraged?not surprising? well each of us has our own view. for me.. i was surprised that one whould do such a thing.. but i was not at all outraged by it.. in fact this lady has my repect. She treats her body like a temple, and she loved it and is not ashame. i'm not saying that whoever poses nude gains my repect but this lady(sarongpartygirl) is just being who she is and bearing her true self. God created our body.. we are his art work.. she's just one particular creation who just aint shame about showing this masterpeice. i'm quite sadden that denise keller disses her, she's one good VJ and should have been more open since she's from MTV.

Yes in times we need to be conservative. i know i am one.. and that's why i admire those who are more open.. open to facts that cant be ignored or denied.There's a difference in being open minded and dirty minded. If i say i think SEX is great, would you say i'm open or would you be like some childish singaporeans saying " EeEeE you're so pervertic!" ? if it's so, are your parents pervertic then? they had sex to give you life? so what? they had unpleasurable sex?although i'm still a virgin and shall remain one till marriage, that dont mean i'm abnormal and hate sex. i made this decision because i want to make the man i'm going to marry in the future know that i've been saving it for him. It's a big sacrifice you know.. it's like a world without pleasure!

We are singaporeans, and many calls us Asians. Does Asians stands for achieving sex is a #1 sin?
Why are we so close minded, look at the caucasians, most of them are open minded but here? if you have sex people look down on you.. disses you call you cheap. having sex is not being cheap a sult and a whore is really the cheap ones.. but if you have sex out of passion (even b4 marriage) it doesnt stick a sign labelling you cheap. i encourage the new generation of singapore and rest of the asian countries to take a step forward on becoming open minded but with maturity.. not be dirty but open to views and facts that sexuality cant be denied.. whether you or me is going to be more open minded or not, so long if things happen just keep our mouth shut for we dont have a right to judge people due to things we are not open about.

To sarongparty girl: i neither fully supported what you did nor totally condamn what you did but i feel that you're strong to withstand what people say about you. you have my support on being open and am very glad to hear you took it down on account to your love ones, you have my respect and also i love the way you write, many people are able to see the flaws in others easily.. but seldom do people see the good side of a person.. you are very knowledgable and it shows in your writing.. i wish you all the best in your future and hope people will stop dissing you..

well that's all for today i guess.. lazy to do my homework and all.. i'm hungry.. where's my dinner?!?!?!?!?!

love me

2005-07-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

Artist: colin raye
title: love me
I read a note my grandma wrote back in nineteen twenty-three.
Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me
. he said,"boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but i loved your grandma so.

"We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together.
Get married in the first town we came to, and live forever.
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet, instead
Of her, i found this letter, and this is what it said

:If you get there before i do,
don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long i'll be.
But i'm not gonna let you down,
darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till i see you again,I'll be loving you.
love, me.

I read those words just hours before my grandma passed away,
In the doorway of a church where me and grandpa stopped to pray.
I know i'd never seen him cry in all my fifteen years;
But as he said these words to her, his eyes filled up with tears.

If you get there before i do,
don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long i'll be.
But i'm not gonna let you down,
darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till i see you again,I'll be loving you.
love, me.
Between now and then, till i see you again,I'll be loving you. love, me.

is it what it really is?

2005-06-29T22:22:00.000+08:00

okie..first up my mood now is like.. tense... i dont know why.. am i worried? yeah.. hell lot of worries for many aspect... haiz... anyway.. just wanna tell you that i'm sorry if my concern is to overbearing... just didnt want people to step all over you.. but IF you see it like i put your friends on a bad light then i'm sorry.. overall if you want to continue that way i cant stop you.. it's your life not mine.. was just being concern.. it's alrite.. hope you'll be fine...well maybe it's better not for me to say things to help.. probably is more of a hindrance.. i'm sorry.. shall not say anymore.. guess your mature and able to think and fend for yourself.. maybe i'm over concern.. i guess i need to tone down and just try not to be so paranoid.. maybe i should have heed that hint right from the beginning of our relationship... that you needed space..

well well..today school was fine and i was every ready attentive.. very inspired by miss winnie tan motivational talk today and i want to follow the mindset of adam khoo.. well i may not acheive greatly like him.. hey wait... i can and i will.. the road to success has to start with belief.. and i shall believe in myself that i am able to get the results i wan.. my aim is to get a 14 point! i will do it.. although lazziness is one of my obstacle.. i shall not be pressed down by it but shall rise to the moment and do whatever i can with whatever i have.. i am determine and i am hardworking.. i want to do well for the best of my future! and i know i am able to make it!

the only thing that can stop me from reaching my aim is me.. nothing else! i must defeat pessimistic side of me and let my optimism conquer my mind and soul! nothing can bring me down!

silence?

2005-06-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

haiz.. okie.. i know.. i will leave you alone.. haiz.. maybe i'm irritating... haiz..
nvm.. it's okie... i'll just... hang around alone... well.. on line..see you on line.. had to pretend yer not there... it hurts... haiz..

well..talking to keith now... asking me where to buy white pants? weird? hm.m.m maybe... well.. yeah told him where and stuff... told him go bridal shop to rent one... :D go this his church? see him get comfirm? very motherly... that's wat i feel... well.. his church is saint micheal i know where it is!! been there.. well not inside.. but outside.. lalala... h.m.m having a spinning head ach now.. feel like telling ben i cant finish my work.. but that's like such a lazy excuse... but haiz.. really no mood to do work? haiz... feel like telling keith about wat's on my mind.. but haiz.. shall just keep quiet.. shall just keep my own probs to myself... haiz...

haiz... keep looking at yer nick.. somehow it's like talking to me? first is like going on 2.. which you said it's like going on two years le.. well.. it's a bit.. haiz.. like you used to put nice nick about us.. but then it's like just going on 2.. now is fading.. i cant imagine what's next... haiz... tot u said you'll love me if i step down.. told me to rest assure... haiz.. i believe in it again.. but.. haiz.. i dont knoe...

haiz... i really feel like faintin now.. i think i'm really sick... God help me... haiz..

close my eyes and i'll shall be blind.

2005-06-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

if one day i see you on the streets.. and if i dont look at you.. dun question yourself why.. maybe it's best for me to keep my eyes close.. if i did.. i wouldnt have saw you...maybe it was true.. wat you've said.. maybe i should go.. so you'd be happy? did i make you happy when i step into your life? or did i make it worst? are you better off without me? i dont wanna destroy you any further... tell me.. if i am.. tell me if i am not for you... tell me if you need me no more.. dun leave me hanging here.. there's a world out there... but i'm here... hanging on to wat i think is real? is it real or sureal? tell me... is it difficult to please me? how about you? think you only gave with no receive.. think i receive with no giving? AM I NOT PERFECT ENOUGH? you take a good hard look at yourself and you think you can get any girl you want? do you treasure those who do not mind being with you? you're not exactly an " OH GREAT CATCH" ok... you're just a flirt who will never find a person who loves you anymore.. you've lost the one who loves you the most... cuz she's so less important compared to everything... you're sure a girl... fancy a guy like you so big but childish and not MAN enough!complain complain! want me to beg you back! you're not some princess or anything... if you wanna leave i wont stop you! although it hurts but if you feel that you'll be happier without me den go.. i'll set you free... and i'll learn to truth about your feelings towards me... maybe you didnt really love me in the first place... maybe you're just going through puppy love.. maybe a girlfriend to you is just someone to keep you out of loneliness... i realise i was being used all along... thank you...

my keyboard is finally the best!!

2005-06-16T20:30:00.000+08:00

okie.. first things first... i've not been updating my blog for a really long time due to having problems with my com.. after when i got it back.. initially i thought it would work... but... it didnt... the com work.. CPU was fine... but when the keyboard goes "kuukoo"... there's goes my chance for updating my blog.. well i'm back and i lurrrve my keyboardy!!! cuz it so so rox!!the key pad is so so soft.. aAHZ!!! hahaah.. well... i've complete my chinese O level and i've join a new tuition cuz i hate stalford!!ahahah... well... life isnt going oh too well but i'm still hanging on... and ya... i got knock down by a car the other day.... but heng never die.. lucky rite?? but it was really scary.. hahaah.. okie.. now i'm chatting... update another time... chaoz!!

boo hoo

2005-06-11T19:59:00.000+08:00

i'm back but so wht? nothing to do le.. some other day i'll just update.. bye for now...

i cant take it anymore

2005-04-13T21:59:00.000+08:00

you stupid la.. caused me all this sadness this few days.. you think fun ah?? i cant take it le.. you say you also cant.. then ask yerself who started it la.. all those promises of saying you'll be more patient and wont be so rude.. i very unhappy with you today la.. i also very angry with alot of people la.. so pissed la.. dont want to type anymore... so unhappy.. to think ytd treat you so good you like this to me today... got hurt to get the tix only to knoe you forget to ask yer coach...

on my way...

2005-04-03T17:47:00.000+08:00

i'm pissed at some one.. but, IT'S OKAY!(puttt opps my cd just skip and everybody heard you let one rip.) ahah eminem.. hee hee... well i shall not be pissed off so easily.. so as to know i'm better on holding my cool then some people.. hee hee.. way to go man.. okie.. first thing.. i went to tuition today at the wrong time!!! gracious... last week was suppose to be there at 9.30 am... but overselpt and came at 11 instead.. well..today.. i tot it was also 9.30 am timing again..so i went there... punctual.. but.... it was suppose to start at 11!!! arhz!!! i nearly wanted to escape.. but dawn ask me to ask ruby wat time.. so i asked and she also said it was 11 am.. i wanted to say i'll come back later but she immediatly told me to join her class and do my work(which i did not do) ahah she know me too well le... haiz... well... sat in the front.. haha.. and suck being in the same class as sec twos... so noisy.. unlike my class.. fun and exciting.. hee hee..well push that aside.. i did the paper one and ruby helped me abit.. i think i wanna study hard for my this maths d.t and not keep thinking i cant do it yet.. i think i'm gonna push my self this once..and get a good grad... haha and tell mr goh off!! hahaha... blehz.. i'm so eeevviiilll....hee hee... well tomorrow is english d.t but.. why study it when i can use the time to study for physics which will be on this coming wednesday.. english dont need to study.. cant study de.. sure pass de.. hee hee.. well i want to do well for physics and keep it that i remain at the top of my class.. that's my aim.. hee hee.. i want to continue scoring better results... yeah! i arrange an appointment with issac to help me.. and yi wen and kah wai... hee hee... he mite give us tips.. hee hee... and i arrange another with ghim siong... for maths!! will make him teach me till i'm very clear abt the topic... i dont care.. hahaha... funny... i'm so used to calling my teacher by thier name.. hee hee.. so fun... sometimes they dont even mind me... to the extend i can have my own way.. i dont do my work or dun want to do any work in class they just let me be.. cuz they all know if the force me i'll give them shit work.. hahaha.. so they prefer me to auto.. hee hee... well i've type so much.. so hungry.. this few days dont know why so hungry man.. better stop eatin... i'm kinda worried bout something tho.. haizz... shall not elaborate... well shall stop here.. type too much already.. hee hee..

Mr. lonely

2005-04-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

ahhz.. i'm crazy over the song mixtapes and mr lonely.. edwin.. pls hear the song mr lonely... really got meaning to tell you abt relationships la.. after that talk i hope you'll understand wat i've been doing all the time for you.. pls treasure... haiz... i'm glad we're fine now.. but hope we'll stop having so many problems.. i dont wan it to be like how the song mr lonely turns out..my birthday coming soon le.. thx for the preasant... hee hee.. i love it alot... hee hee.. darling.. i'm forever here.. pls see that i love you k.. happy can at last get a game of badminton with you.. hee hee.. this few days i'm so down.. but i still put on a brave front and smile.. still the clown with black tears.. pls babe.. dont think cuz you hurt me and that by leaving is gonna make me any better.. i wont be able to take it.. i've hold out for so long.. pls dont make it a waste... these few days was really tough.. not only on me but you.. i'm sorry i cry too easily... but i cant help it... crying everynite is painful.. been crying everynite alone for all these days... it just scares me everyday... you know wat scares me rite?? haiz...:(

silver lining on the clouds

2005-03-26T22:48:00.000+08:00

at last... today i did not cry.. haiz.. can count as a happy day after a storm... hee hee..well... i'm not feeling alrite with something tho.. and i kinda dun wanna talk about it.. it is already done.. all i wan now is me and edwin to be happy... hee hee.. i love him alot.. haiz.. darling.. really.. i really need you de... hee hee.. so happy can play pool with you tmr.. hee hee.. anyway.. i'm sorri to alll my frenz when i had to cancel the outing.. really... sorri... my apologies... sorri... dont angry k..and kah wai.. you will get to play pool de.. sorri that time you cant.. ask yer hao hao take you go ma.. he know wat rite.. and yi wen..sorri to you also.. and adeline..thx for talking sense to me... a note to this girl... edwin know who.. i'm just sorri.. i didnt mean to get between a friendship.. it's not even my intention.. in fact i still want you both to be frenz even it was so hard.. edwin really want to give up the frenship but i said no.. it's the truth... edwin is doing good for you.. you cant be too dependant on people.. and the thing is.. your frenship with him was alrite in the beginning... if you could say 5 years of friendship wasted to one yr of love.. den when he was with you.. you left him.. isnt it like the same.. you cant get everything you wan in this world.. just appreciate wat you have.. but you didnt.. when ed was there for you.. you dumped him for another.. he stayed by yer side even if he had other girls and you ask him not to be so possesive... i mean.. now you get wat you wanted and yer somewat complaing... if you really are his fren.. den you should noe that you cant spoil a fren's life.. it like he cant wait on you forever.. even it wasnt me.. if it was other girl.. he cant always be treating you better... like wat you say.. people need to move on... and when ed does you hate it.. why? he aint yer servant.. just dont be so heartless already... i bet you broke many hearts.. that's why you have so many probs.. you always say as if yer frenship was so great.. but at the same time complain there's a hole.. wat's wrong with you?? do you know you have to treat people with respect? if you hurt people too much one day they will slowly leave yer side.. do you want that?? edwin is doing you a great help on yer life in future.. you must grow up.. i can honestly ask you to face up to reality and stop being naive... edwin tried explaining but you denied it.. thing is he's not trying to get back again.. he is just trying to make you understand that it is not the way u tot it as.. if you want to be in such a state of denial den know one can help you already.. it's up to you...

okie all this shall stop... i'm just so super happy can play pool tmr.. hee hee!! yeah!!! muacks! love my hon... anyway... i just haiz.. dunno.. kinda bored.. okie la.. shall stop here already.. by the way... people!! sont eat an an eggs... forgot to tell you all.. hahah.. jsut dont eat k.. best dont eat eggs for the time being.. chaoz

pull my hair out!!!!!!!!

2005-03-25T13:59:00.000+08:00

i've been crying for days already... i really cant take the pain i'm going through... the 3 ladies of his life is huanting me.. i really cant take it... why is his heart so easy... it just turn... i've always been blinded... tot he gave me 100% of love.. i even tot it was more... but this was all a dream... i gave up everything... so many things and people i've dissapoint... but i gave him my all... and yet i'm treated this way... is it so wrong to just ask for something small... i never demanded so much.. i only ask for the basic need of my heart...haiz... sometimes i wish you will help me out.. like when i'm feeling like this just help me.. then when i'm alreite you wont have to be so angry.. you see all i needed it comfort.. if you just give that.. and give more comfort.. den i feel happy.. i will thank you and say nice things... but you blew up and make things ugly.. you've said many things that hurt that i want to retort back also cant.. like when you screamed out to everyone for me to leave you alone.. i reallly dont get it.. i called you back.. i felt stupid.. i was crying and you just left me like that.. and i stupidly called you back.. and all i got was you shouting at me to leave you alone... it's not a prob anymore.. i will leave you alone le.. if you walk away or hang up.. i will not ask you back unless it was my fault in the beginning.. i cant keep calling you back already.. no more...

the song

2005-03-19T20:00:00.000+08:00

yeah!! got my song in already!!! so happy... my blog has many navigation...so when i put it on one page.. ifyou go to another page you cant hear to song.. so oh well.. i actually wanted to put like a mode where you cant stop the song.. put aint good huh..later all angry cuz dont like the song...anyway.. i put it on the main page so you can listen to the song at any page.. and a small button for u to pause the song if you want...hee hee..anyway.. going off le.. wanna watch tv.. high on life.. haah..chaoz!

THE TIME HAS COME!! or so i tot haah...

2005-03-19T11:10:00.000+08:00

well well well... ahah... i got my tag board up!!!! yeah!! thing is my song still got prob..my com la!!! taking so long a time...sobs...anyway going to study soon... hee hee..very glad about my recent results... hee hee... failed two only..hee hee..so happy yeah! well i shall get back doing my song den afterwards i shall study den go for tuition.. hee hee.. so happy to go tution..dunno why...ahah...chaoz..........

the new look

2005-03-18T00:15:00.000+08:00

okay.. i've at last changed my look of my blog...cool? nice? comments people..thx...anyway.. it took me so long to have a new look.. i tried many.. but all was disasterious.. so this was the only one that workz..hee hee.. fun...anyway
not completed yet..still need to put my song up and my tag board which i forgot the last time..ahha..well this time it's preety fun to move around..not like the usual style..fun...anyway... just wait for a few more days before it can work properly.. my com has some probs.. or more likely a big big prob..so it's very long to upload songs..and my tag board is not up cuz i wan to sleep now.. it's so late and i have tuition at ben tuition centre..so better get some sleep now... chaoz.. and yeah.. i miss you loads hon.. happy can see you tmr!!

fantasy

2005-02-24T19:21:00.000+08:00

man... i was so stressed out for two weeks.. all be cuz of the damn D.T. so sickenning... make so mad and scared... why??? i'm so worried for my Os... but more worried for edwin's... the results will be out soon... i'm sure my love will do great.. i'm confidant of him... but myself?? i lack that confidance... what self esteem i have.. but i will work really hard and my lowest mark will just be a b4.. that's for mother tongue obviously... i submitted my art theme today..fantasy is the theme... pretty cool ehz?? ridz also do the same theme.. so means i've got a competitor... talking about competitor.. haiz... i dint go for the heats today.. i decided to retire from my running days.. i dont want to just be a runner.. the only thing my dad thought i was good at in my whole life.. just running.. but i aint gonna run anymore... my life is more interesting and more complex then just running.. it can take me no where.. i want to study hard this year.. and not concentrate on running... i give that part of me up ever since i left primary school.. maybe it was phychological for me as i unluckly couldnt turn up for nationals!!! why?? damn it.. why must i fall sick on that day?? it's like i dont even have to enter the heats.. my timing just made it to the finals... and i couldnt go.. it hurts some how.. to not being able to accomplish that... well.. i want to accomplish my main aim now.. that is to study hard and do well for my O levels.. so the people around me wont look down on me already.. i'm sick and tired of it... well today i bumped into M.r Goh and he some how realize i wasnt like before.. told me i did well.. and i was like : " did well for what thing?" he was like saying he was pretty surprise i scored 23/25. i was thinking.. i have not even got any results yet... wait a min... dont tell me that is for my social studies? it's like ss is upon 25 marks and Mr Goh is pretty close to Mr Foo... does that mean?? i got 23/25 for my ss???? oh my goodness... haha..but wait! dont rejoice first... it might be a false alarm.. hee hee.. anyway.. i will comfirm fail my maths cuz i didnt study for it due to be sick.. damn... but i'm sure the rest would be fine.. well i got back my chemistry marks.. wasnt happy with it.. i just pass.. got 35/65.. boring marks.. i knew that paper will not bring me the marks i dearly wanted.. it was extemely difficult.. many failed and some way below the bottom... i shall just count myself well off that i was able to pass this test.. i will work harder to improve! i cant wait to get my other results... i'm so anxious!! ahahah.. well.. tmr going out with edwin.. bringing sis along cuz we all need to shop for super big ah lian wei ting!! her birthday is coming soon!!! whoo hoo!! happy birthday zarbo! hee hee... wat to get for her? and i'm kinda short of cash.. aww... i spent $40 ytd.. played expensive snooker with edwin at pavillion.. ex and yet horrible table.. just glad that the songs they played was nice.. and it was not so crowded.. i prefer edwin's area.. century.. that place.. super cool..they even clean the table every morning... hee hee.. i also bought a bikini... edwin you you!! kept bugging me to get.. haha... he right.. no manners just open the dressing cover like that..wat if others walk past?? arhz!!! never use brain! knock yer head with hammer! hee hee.. anyway..we're going swimming with a bunch of my frenz from class... gonna have a nice nice tan.. after that me and yi wen will rush for tuition.. hee hee. terrible rite?? well i think i better go.. got loads of work to be done.. and i'm coughing like mad!!!! oh ya ytd was me and my darling 16 mth ann!! love you always baby!!! MUACKS!!

fever

2005-02-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

got fever now... 37.7 degrees... terrible feeling... hai.. qurrelled just now... didnt mean to.. was just hoping for care and comfort.. for coaxing and concern... women go for mant Cs... cash..car..credit card..condo... all i ask was that 4 Cs today... got it halfway... wonder why all the rudeness and impolite remarks need to be made.. you dont do that to yer frenz...why me? am i just nothing? you may so no.. but i feel stepped on.. maybe i'm naive... you said so.. i'll accept that... when i tell you i'm naive you tell me to think wat i want.. angered that i said that.. thing is you told me i was naive... so i just admit to it then.. no pt saying i'm not when you shoot in rite into my face... i'll just forever remember i'm naive and i'm not understanding.. i know i promise you.. i promise that 'll try to be understanding... am i not understanding all along? do you know how hard is it to try to understand?? cuz when i need to understand will be the time i have to leave.. or you to leave... do you think i bear to leave or let you leave? you think it's easy... many would want their loved ones to beg them to stay.. why not you? i know you're rushing.. but i didnt know you'd reach there so early... i dont many things.. i dont know yer coach will scold... did you ever tell me b4?? that time you were late you tell yer coach yer coach never scold wat.. last time when you had yer job.. was i not understanding.. did i hog you? since it's not welcome den i shall not hold you back le.. i will readily let you go... i'll TRY to understand.. but i aint perfect... you said i treated you badly today?? is asking for some coaxing treating you bad?? when i called you did you ask how is my throat... am i still giddy? do you know i have fever now? and i'm angry and sad... i've so much problems.. are you here to help me?? where are you? you're always telling me i'm more impt then Bball... but why is it you cant sacrifice a lil? i did many for you... do you even knoe abt it? you sms me.. telling me many things..not to be tis way.. to give you time.. all these... i dont want to reply... i'm sorri... cuz i aint going to disturb you anymore... talk so much... i bet you have not ask yer parents whether you can go out on the second day of new year... if you did ask you would have told me asap... well... i guess you Forgot... anyway.. i'm just gonna take a lil time off.. and not gonna sms you... sometimes treasuring the last moment is a good thing..you may never no wat mite happen next... wat if i die? will we still have the chance to share our love? why you dont treasure me? i'm not going to reply you... it's aint revenge.. i just let you feel how is it like to be left alone... how lonely a person can be... i gotta go now.. my fever rise again...

me

2005-02-01T17:14:00.000+08:00

it's still cold
still very cold out here
need you to hold
and chase my fears
time passes slowly.. slowly...
missed you daily...daily...
you didnt see
the pain in me
i smiled at you
but you cant see through
that my fragile heart
has been torn apart
to you i plea
for you to see
the hurt i'm in
salvation please bring
for this little girl
is very frail
and she's crying inside
soon,die, she might
it takes you to save her life
prevent blood from a knief
to whome it may concern
let this be a lesson learn
that this girl is smiling outside
but deep down she has died.

why?

2005-01-21T22:11:00.000+08:00

now i know you've not been reading my blog...it's heart breaking..well..wat's the use of updating and talking about my feelings... you dont even read it.. haiz... i bet you dont even know i'd update it today...well..guess it wasnt as important... haiz... it's just very upsetting... it's my blog that holds most of my deepest feelings and a place where i can express myself easily.. do you bother? haiz..nvm.. you just called..was hopping that you'd try to cheer me up..wat's the use of calling telling me you have not finish and call me later... yeah yeah... my feelings can always be put off... guess i have no ethnics... must not talk on phone ... give fren face...cuz his birthday... my feelings can just push away..haiz.. i dun no i dun no.. nvm ba.. haiz... i dun understnad you can just happily enjoy the party with yer frenz knowing i'm here feeling so sad so very sad... guess it's loneliness... i've told you before... that when i'm angry leave me to cool..but i'm sad pls be there for me... haiz...why?? why why why?? it was so nice today...enjoyed it so much... decided to call you to keep you company till you're there... but maybe it wasnt much...haiz..maybe i'm just nothing... guess i shd be more understanding... i'm just faggoting useless...haiz... just a peice of shit.. haiz.... haiz i shgd fucking stop blogging... well you called again...i guess we did made it through today... haiz.. i really hope you'll remember the things you said you'd do... pls.. thx.. haiz.. now i better go wash my face.. it's burning... and i got breathing prob now cuz chest hurts like mad...

lyying from youuuuuuu

2005-01-12T18:18:00.000+08:00

it's not just everthing.... whirl wind... arhz..... i'm going mad... right now i'm so so angry... why do you always haev to make me angry...now i'm already suffering my sickness and you just leave me here to bleed... a sorry aint a cure... haiz... now linkinpark is really helping me.... that's why they're the best band... as i sing my lung out i'm in pain!!!!!!!!! ARHZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!! you make me go crayz...one day i mite fall..fall out from life... ahahah...then it will be peace on earth.... i'm going mad already.... shouting shouting shouting....... i cant believe i can still rap all the linkinpark song... arhz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i give my life up!

BACK TO SCHOOL!!!

2005-01-02T23:11:00.000+08:00

ARHZ!! tmr going back to school... and i'm gettin the jitters!! man... why is it i'm so scared and sad... i dont even know what i'm sad and scared about...ahahah... gonna be sec 4 tmr..must get used to that... no longer 310 but 410...ahah...haiz.. i'm gonna miss a few people who can no longer be in our class...sobs... all the farni people are gone... sobs... so saddening...well.. so still very scared...somemore i'm broke...haiz...not until i sell my stuff and ed repay me back..hee hee.. haiz.. i'm going to get another shoe again!! YEAH!! hee hee... well in a few hrs im gonna be standing in school.. very soon i'll be in my new class..hee hee...haiz.. yeah tmr can wear my shoe but mite need to cut my nails.. i hope tmr no height and weight check...damn i'm gonna be very fat...sianz...how how?? i gian alot of weight i think? dunno.. i better go slim down..hee hee..okie la.. gtg... dun wan biggie eye bags under my eyes... chaoz!! HAPPY DAY AT SCHOOL!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2005-01-01T02:11:00.000+08:00

ARHZ!!! happy new year everyone!!!hee hee...so tired...just came back from countdown...been on my feet since ytd morning... my god..ahha... did shopping with ed...so fun!!! buy loads and loads of converse stuff!! YAY!!! hee hee...muack thx baby for making this day a memorable one for me... i love you always my darling..hee hee..well.. friday morning started off bathing yoggy...den she shit..ahah.. a funny looking shit she shitted out!! wanna see?? ask me show you lorx..hee hee.. i took a pic of it..hee hee..den after that meet ed...went to mac eat breakfast den later take bus 12 go bugis..walk walk walk..hee hee..super fun.. den no wat to buy..oh ya..dear dear give me good ideas!!thx hamsta bao bei!! hee hee!! den later got trouble getting the shoe i wanted...haiz..walk here and there...den later went to cine. den eat at KFC! yum yum.. was so hungry... hee hee.. den later go the heeren.. shop shop...whole day full of shopping.. in the end we went back alll the way to tam...den dun have so went back all the way to the heeren...anyway..got alot of stuff la.. basically spent like $160 today?? i think more then that... haha...well..we had a wonderful day together and yeah we tmr go tanning.. supalar fun! hee hee...well just now went to esplanade count down wih ying.. her guy..her bro.. and her dad..ahah..so boring..hee hee..me and ed tok on hp and countdown together..i love it..tx baby for spending new year with me..hee hee..well..todat kena spray by this guy lorx... alot things happen la... well i hope this new year will be a gd year and i'll work very hard to excel in things i used to excel in...hee hee... and yeah..i want to be healthy...eat all my veg..do all my hw.. study hard... shape me up and do well for my exams..hee hee..so happy... well.. okie gtg... gotta meet edwin later..me not enough slp le..sobs.. k k chaoz!!!

christmas eve!!

2004-12-24T14:36:00.000+08:00

ho ho ho merry christmas!!!hee hee...yeah!! today got party at my house!!!..sobs cant go out with my frenz to countdown..but i think i want to be with my family..haiz...nvm..hee hee..at least can spend x'mas with ed..hee hee..yeah! tonite can wear my nice nice black dress!! so happy!! hee he..arhz...x'ams spend so much $$!!! got my bro,dad and aunt prezzies! hee hee... buy my bro jap cat.. buy my dad socks.. and my aunt a very nice cup... i guess the most ex was edwin's prezzie...okie it's a pair of slippers...guess how much?? $110!!!! hahaha...very unexpected a slippers cost so much...but no worries..so long he likes it.. i also got him a black op sling bag..he got me the white one... hee hee..same type! yeah!fun stuff... well i did my hair ytd..and turns out real nice... i love my hair... ahah i'm sure keng will like it to!! rite??hee hee...well...im so hungry..shit! i have not got my dog a gift!!! sobs...i get tmr..hee hee..or later..hee hee...well today mich b'day! so... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! ahah..she wierd girl..call me ten times just to ask me to wish her happy birthday...hahaah...she love me too much le..hee hee..well got notthing to say...hee hee..okie la i gtg go..i going to get a secret gift and also get my dog a gift too.. i also get all my couzzie gifts le..all wrap up nice nice...did it all myself..even set up the tree myself...hahah okie la..gtg cook..haha..yeah...never know i can cook ehz??ahaha chaoz! and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

gotta rescue the the flame in yer heart

2004-12-19T17:05:00.000+08:00

i change my blog again??keng!! not messy le hor??? deside to keep in touch with my dark side...
so hard to type my blog now..hahah.. i just painted my nails while changing my template...
haha okie okie.. update on my life..okie ..my bro is back from laos..he wants to go back there again.. to pick up his wife..told me if the modelling agency give him a good assin. then earn $3000.. he will go back laos and bring his gf to sg to see see... ahhahah...cool ehz?? well.. i did alot of shopping these few days...my table now alot of shopping bags..ahahah.. edwin give me a creative mp3 for x'mas!!! hee hee...but i had to pay first..cuz dunno he when recieve pay...hee hee...well..he also buy me a bag.. OP de...haah all i pay first..den he'll return soon..i dont mind at all..hee hee...i also got him the op bag...we got the same back..but we two took diff colours..theres two colours..black or white.. i took white he took black..yeah! couples baggie...den we can change change..hee hee... mp3 same colour also..only diff model...hee hee..well we going to get that converse shoe!! yeah i want the pink he wants the blue!! yeah!! and we're gonna buy t shirts too...yeah and i'm getting him a pair of slippers.. i getting two pair..one for him one for me..he wan couple one again...but not same slippers la..just tat it will be the same theme...yeah.. i getting him a creative ear phones also..oh ya.. i got the creative member club for free...cuzx spent $200 and above to buy the mp3..hee hee...yeah..i buy my black dress..it's a tube dress...black black black..hee hee..plus my heels...also black..duhz...now just need to go find a nice shawl..hee hee... and i also buy a nice side bag..black again..ahhaah..nice..can put my whole art file in it!!cool rite..yeah also had ying's birthday..ya i i buy a playboy bag fer her..got myslef one too...smae colour!! yeah sista love!! she also got me a fur handbag..same as hers!! we rawk sista!! yeah...celebrated her b'day at costa sands..fun la..love the corn..the fish..everything..had fun with ling shan ting and keng..hee hee ...so funny that day..shan and me scream becuz of a roach...ahhaa..okie okie.. gonna go now..last of all.. i want to say sorri to edwin...you know why rite??haiz..so soeeii...

chao

2004-12-04T01:31:00.000+08:00

yupzerie!hee hee...i'm so bored rite now...
h.m.m seems a long time since i've blog..
well..bz with work and stuff but finally!!
i QUIT! haah...no la...the fiar was over..
den wanted me go orchard work..but sian..
i wanna enjoy my hols..ahha..
i think i've earn enough $ le...i just collect my cheque today!!
whoo hoo!!! hahaha...well..x'mas is coming..so exicited..hee hee
mich just came back from korea..hope she got me somthing..
ying is coming back soon too..and yes she got me something!!
yeah!! so many people get me things..wonderful year!!
hee hee...well..chance upon someone's blog today...
gotta say it's well done..but alot of over doing..like too many stuffy..
and for the love of shitnets!?! it's too much on love and stuff...
and many curses..the blog was lame and childish i think..
but html works are alrite...hey even i dun like the maker at least i dont
condamn the maker rite??gave credit for the html works..
well the song on the site was sucky...cux from sucky band...
haah..kinda hate boybands...prefer rock bands..
song is too happy happy..like too happy to be true...
well the maker seems to be into poetry..
but i'd say...dont go into it...peice of advice...you're aint good..
well like outcast lurve to say... "i'm just being honest!"
ahhaha...well i'm gonna go for supper soon!! haha...
i simply love to eat huh??well..i live to eat..not eat to live..haha
yupzerie! dunno but i lost alot of weight...sobs...ahah...
my dad even ask me to ask the doctor why..
hey as if im sick..well i did ask and he said i was totally fine..
i guess my dad just wants me to be fat like him...
cuz i always suan him that he is fat...
but on second tots...he slim down alot le..
ypuzerie...gonna buy a nice nice dress!!
well...was happy i made edwin's grad nite a lovely one...
he got some compliments niaz...
chose him a very nice formal long sleeve shirt...
hee hee..trust my fashion taste man!!i've form many people le!!
even my dad...today made him wear a addidas biggie shirt plus baggy lawman jeans!
he look superb!!chaoz! hahaah..well okie i think better quit typing...
i think i going on too long le..gtg chaoz!!yupzerie!!!

to my darling

2004-11-24T23:07:00.000+08:00

haiz..i'm so so sarry about yesterday..
i guess i was to rash in making big decisions
i didnt mean to say i wanna give up..
haiz..i wanted you to asked for me back..
like you promised you to..
i guess you have yer ego..
and i dun blame you..cuz yer a guy...
i was sad..going crazy on why you didnt call me..
i started crying..was so lost..i didnt know wat to do..
i cant think straight..i didnt no wat to do..
i was so LOST...so very lost...was losing my mind..
i called keng..but he was too busy...so we didnt talk much..
we didnt talk anything abt all these at all..
i cant stand it no longer...i got no frenz to turn to..
cuz yer the one i always turn to...
i had to talk to sumone..so i called sum internet frenz up..
i called colin..but he wasnt at home..so i remembered keith..
i talk to him..he kinda help...a lil...at least made me think i a lil...
i decided not to wait for you to call me...i dun wan to waste time..
i was scared..so afriad that you mite jsut leave...
so i sms you to call me..
i was so sad darling..so very sad...cuz i was wanting to came to ask you back..
tell you i was wrong to leave..tell you i want to go back to the way we were..
tell you i still love you alot and that i cant bear to leave you...
but you were getting ready to move on..it feels like you dont wan me anymore
like you were ready to leave..not turning back..i was so sad..i didnt wan you to go..
i love you so much..i cant let you go..i never wan to..
ytd was too much to take...i cried..badly...i cried so hard..i wanted to end my life..
that's why i said i cant talk to you tmr..the thing is that i dun wan to drag till tmr
cuz i cant take it..i cant take the pain anymore..i just want to tell you how i feel..
i'm sorry i neglected you sometimes..i know that sometimes i didnt take yer
feelings into consideration..i'm sorry..really am..i'm really sorri...
i know now yer hurt..and you cant feel the same way as b4..tis is all my doing..
if only i keep it to myslef...i'm so sorry..i didnt know it'll be like tt..
i really love you edwin...i really do..and now i know it hurts...it hurts to be rejected
it hurts to be pushed away..but now i got it back at me..when i pushed you away and you pushed me further...i understand how it feels now..i'm sorry i put you into all these...
and now this is my retribution...i know now...it hurts so much i cant stop crying
i hate myself...hate hate hate myself so much...hate myself for hurting you...
why do i hurt you so much when i love you...why do i keep doing this?
i know i dun wan to..but it is always happening...that's why i made you promise to stop me
but was so sadden you didnt..i know you cant take it thats why..
i know yer not superman or anything..
i guessed i ask too much outta you..i wont do it le..
from today onwards i wont be like who i used to be...i'm begining to be a much softer person
no longer strong willed...i'll no longer stand up..no longer be strong headed..no more...
oh how i wish ytd didnt happen..how i wished i didnt want to jump into the waters...
now even tho i'm saved but i'm suffering from the aftermath..
i just wan it the way things were..everything back to the same..
i want the you back..the new you feels so diff.. the new you gives my the cold vibes..
i'm still crying and i cant seem to stop..i dun no why...edwin...i cant stop crying..
i hope you will never leave me no matter wat..i know you cant reassure me that now..
but i hope you can soon...i hope i'm able to help you get it back..
i cant help it seeing you doing it alone..i cant do it..haiz..i miss you..the real you..
the edwin i used to know..the happy edwin..the edwin b4 i hurt him badly..
i'm sorry....

moderation!

2004-10-26T21:59:00.000+08:00

i know...i was in moderation...
haiz...scary lorx...
i just can only pray to God...
pls help me..i really want to study le..
i start to think for my future le...
haiz...i want to study hard...
do well for my o levels..
then i want to go to temasek poly..
i want to go the design school..take grahpic design..
or maby the apparal design and mechendice...
hee hee....i made a movie today...
actually did almost everything lorx..
haiz..my mates all not very into it lorx..
but feroz was a good camera man..
a mich was a moronic smiling girl..
wat a lousy lead actress!! haha..nah jk jk..chill dont PMS!ahah
haiz...i very sad...my boss like wanna fire me le...
only never say the word la...
but already ask ah wee ask me to transfer to concourse...sobs..so far..haiz..
if they insist..bo bian i go quit bahz..haiz..if i next year going sec four i go quit..
i really want to study hard for my exams le...
hee hee...did i mention my art work is on display at the art museum??
must go check out huhzx!!!ahahah...i also won a limited t shirt from the arts museum!
haah so fun so fun!! i love edwin!! so pls stop making me cry le!!!

So0o0o0o tired!!!

2004-10-26T14:25:00.000+08:00

haiz...i'm so tired...
dying already...
ytd went to work..
my first day....
nearly got fired cuz my phone kept ringing...
see la edwin.....
haiz hiaz
dunno la...
well...cant tok to you le..
yer o level is so near...
must study hard kayz!!!
all the best darling...muacksy!!!
must work hard kayz!!
haiz...i'm so scared...first thing first..
my class no one retain in sec 3...
that's good news...but! sum people...
from my class...
is going to 4NA!haiz!!!!
i'm so so so scared...why??i dunno wanna go NA!
pls...i hope i will not go NA! i already made up my mind i'm gonna study real hard!
cuz i want to!!
i need to!
i must!! cuz its my future!!!
haiz..both me and hui ru name has a tick...some have also la..
den hui ru one got arrow..mine dont...i guess it meant something...
so either is me go NA or hui ru...haiz...scary lorx!!!
i will miss ru ru the company..haiz...i hope we both can go to sec 410 next year lorx!!
i hope more teachers had voted for me la...
wah liaoz..mr goh recommanded that my class some have to go NA siazz!!y????haiz...
God pls help me!! you know i already started to work real hard!!!
i'm changing my attitude towards studies already...
i've grown to see that studies are important and that it is my future...
i know how hard it is to earn money...ytd was so tiring...
my back prob. was bad ytd..haiz...i think i better sleep now...
my head is spinning...i was caught in the rain today siaz...bad luck..nvm...
tommorrow i working again..4-9haiz..sianz...heng arhzx!!i thursday got off day!
den can go to art museum to see my art piece!!
so happy it is going to be displayed..hahaha!

i hate you!!yes you..colour pencil breaker!

2004-10-19T14:42:00.000+08:00

arhz!!!!!so so so angry and sad....
i'm gonna kill the ass for breaking my colour pencils!!
one set $16 nehz!!! you broke all three sets!!
why must you go break each one of them into half!
you ass hole you! i curse you den you know!
if i find out who you are..
i gonna break every bone you have..
how many colour pencils you break..
i'll break yer bones!!!!

so so sososo angry!!!!!!
haiz...got back some of my results...scared scared..haiz..
hope i'll get to sec 4e and not go CLB...pls god help me!!
haiz..dun talk le..later i more angry!!

the fist session!

2004-10-18T20:19:00.000+08:00

Omigawd...ahhaha....had my band first session...
cool manz...we had ed and his frenz to teach us...
mish was on drums....
mich was on bass
me and sha are on rythem guit.
pretty cool...we learn on "hey ya" and also"stnad by me"
i think we did better in "stand by me" cuz we actually strum for that song haha...
well it's pretty cool...mich was getting hold of teh drums and mich was good with the bass
me and sha still hanging on..i gave up on the guit. and decided to be vocals. haah...easy..ahah
such a lazy ass la me..haha...well..nvm ..i still gonna learn how to play the guit. yeah! hee hee..
this band is up !alive! and KICKING!woohoo! haha...well had fun fun day with frenz and love ones...awww....thanks darling for my lunch!hee hee... i'm looking forward to our next jamming session! we still dont have a band name!!!!????!!!! ahahah...blehz....

SAD!!!!!!!

2004-10-09T22:22:00.001+08:00

i'm so so very sad....
in the mids of exams and fucking stressed out
sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad
funny these three letters are so close together...
sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad sad....
haiz....i think i'm gonna do bad for finals...
today want to study...family took all my time away...
gave me a fucking four bucks as payment...
still dare say the thing they ask me to do was easy...
if easy why didnt do yer own?
asses...
wanna cry....
clown with black tears...hiddening all my saddness
deep inside...my broken heart...fill with total madness...
save me from this pain hurtful in time of loneliness...
wanna burn myself again hack care i'm gonna fuck this....

SAD!!!!!!!

2004-10-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

arhz!

2004-10-01T13:59:00.000+08:00

okie i'm back...
after so long...bz studying..
hee hee...see so guai le...
well many things happened...
dad wanna bring me to america
budden decided not to go...
cuz of my darling...
MUAKZ!
hee hee...well...very hard decision you know...
well like i said..
if it was meant for me to go america..
i will some how go there one day...
but not now...hee hee...
well..my exams are next week...
and i'm so scared..h.m.m well i only wish is to go sec four..
and not to go CLb also...hee hee..wish me luck...
well today angry la...some ass ransack my class...
mr goh also never care...wah liaoz...
h.h.h. rashidi today digusting sei...at first i dint want to look at him
so like just ignore him...den he ask mich to call me...den he wave lorx...
so must wave back rite...wah liaoz...that idiot do that kissing thing...
den ask for a hug...ewww....i'm taken kayz...shidi flirt sei...
bleahz...
okie la..dont type le..msut go study...chaoz!

hee hee!

2004-09-20T21:51:00.000+08:00

arhz..blogger ate one of my blog...sucky manz...
fuck care...nvm...guess somehow it didnt want to remind
me of the pain i've been through...heehee...well well well..
today okie lorx..alot thing happen la..ru cant stnad liu li anymore..
haiz...my er zi today so sweet towards me worx
ahah...i was asking him to help me pass up my work..
den he was like "yes lao bu" den mich was like
"huh? lao bu?" haah...den he retorted...
"of cuz she my lao bu...see today she so chio..unlike u!"
hahah..i luff like crazy..gave him a shoulder hug and was like
"wo de hao er zi!!"hee hee...
well edwin today huhz..like dick head lorx...
so blur blur de...haiz..nvm la darling...take time rite?hee hee
love you nehz...today so sweet haha...today very sweet day la..
okie dokie..dun type le..buaiz.MuAcKs!

?

2004-09-11T16:04:00.000+08:00

ytd...went out..did cip...tin can was full. happi.went out again.wit ed.had fun.went to air port.ate nice hershey pie.picked dada up.got loads of gift.happi.

today.com suck.didnt work.bored.did maths hw.okie okie.some dun no.gonna ask ruby.tok to ed.not for long.use com again.cant work again.go bath yogz.made me angry.tired.ed gave bad news.angry.dissapointed.don wanna tok to him.for whole day.but guess he wont feel guilty.not my prob.he let himself down.want to encourage.but how to?when no effort is done.everyone can help.but if one dont help themselves.it is totally usesless.going cousin hs later.ivy.punggol.her birthday.happy birthday.now feel pissed.tired.angry.head ach.pain.bye.

shut up la

2004-09-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

shut your gap you useless piece of pie hole!!!
dont think you know every single thing...
you hurt people and yet say people hurt you...
you're a selfish selfish bitch...you know that??
how dare you say people dont know?
you hurt countless and dare say you're hurt now??
where all your senses go??i know...
RIGHT UP YER BLOODY LESBIAN POLE FUCKING PUSSY HOLE!
i dislike you...you hear me!!dun try to act alrite!
you know wat you did..but you think yer innocent...
as if the world is unfair to you...as if life sucks
but you're the cause of it...you created your destiny..
you hurt others..so now you're hurt..get it bitch?
its RETRIBUTION!wat goes around comes around...
you're disgusting...talking about love and life..
when you know nut's shit about it...
complaining and crying over spilled milk
and expecting everyone to see and feel yer pain
you put many through this pain...and now you said it's pain
gosh..do you need an award for yer act of innocense?
you know wat...you're just a faggot bitch!
dont think yer newest style of words it so fetchy...
it aint fetchy my dear...it's fucking damn bitchy!!!
all yer cliche and drama aint gonna work on anyone anymore..
only fools will have sympathy on you...and you know that..
cuz your lying...to people who love you...people who care..
damn you even lie to yourself...split persona ehz?
that's just a shitnets hairy dick's excuse!!!
stop yer lesbian bitching..and go back to reality..
where normal people belong...

I'M BACK

2004-09-06T21:49:00.000+08:00

lala...
i'm back!
hee hee!haiz..
so sianz...wanna do study...
but so damn lazy...and tired...
you wanna be a slob today...
i'll start intensive work tml..
heehee....today...went coussi hs nehz...
got some monk from thailand came...
we deliver thier food...nice niaz...
haha...they did prayer and chanting...
h.m.m. interesting...
BUT was in my cousin room...playin
did a very cool thing...
she got this really cool stuff that can put this long
stip of sticker on a pencil..den design it...really cool..
den they dun no how to use...young ma..so i read..i learn
and i did it!! and made all for my cousin too...
that cladys very notti...go push claudia on the floor...
haiz..kids...haha...
well was touched to hear that claudia wanted me to be her real sis...
and was kinda happi when she told me she like me and that i treat her the best
h.m.m. maybe i let her bully me alot that's why! hahah...
well..then after that she took out another really cool thing
she wanted me to teach her how to use...
so i read the instrution and learn...
den no howta use...cool...it's some badge making machine!!
haha...really..cool...ahah...she let me have some..cuz i helped her
aww so kinda to give me some...well..we did a personalized one...
actually two la...one for me one for her..that says cluadia and cerena..
i wanted to do one for my darling....but...scared she see la..
she very biggy mouth de...so nvm
but the pencil i pasted cer "heartshaped" ed haha...cute!
heehee...only tootpid lao gong..wanted to tell him this..
bad bad go make me angry...den hide anger...so not to quarel
den say that actually i wasnt really angry!!HOW CAN!!toot la u..
make me angry..HMPH!
hahaah...okie la...go go le...so sianz..dun wanna type so much
chatting with honey now..hee hee...cutie lao gong!

fun fun day...

2004-09-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

h.m..m went out...
did art...
ed did dnt..
watch garfield...
was damn cute!
cool monkeys...
fun fun day with ed..
love the movie...
hee hee...
had lunch...
mos burger...
yum yum...
never knew it was so good...
their food is freasher...
better...
nicer!!!!
hee hee...
love my ed...
sho cute today...
hor..make me so happy hahah..
den..went home lorx..
got buy chocs...today jsut very fun
with edwin..
i mish you nehz...
wish to see you soon....
let's forget all the bad that has happen kayz
i promise to never leave you...
muacks!

i love you darling!!

2004-08-31T21:14:00.000+08:00

i just want to let my darling know i love him no matter what...we've gone through a rough patch this few days so i hope we'll get better...i still love you..and i'll heal with the love you've given...

today is today

2004-08-30T17:20:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU RIDZ! ahha...well..is it big and loud enough???this fella was so wanting me to thank him for that "beautiful" testimonial...ahahah..but it's nice..i gotta admit...espcially abt the mich the bitch part! hahaah...well..today is so today...woke up late again...helped feeetoot to bring his ugly silk painting to school cuz he pond...and almost made me and kai sing late...we had to run...sianness..ahhaah...well..farhan ask me to put him as absent...he and toot wanna pon...den...in school..okie okie...was chosen to be the speaker for class debate..ahahah...fina was like saying why not guys VS gals..and we were like so into it...haah...she also qouted that with mich and me around..debate will be won...why??WE'RE SO LOUD! ahahahha!!well...cool monkeys...we wrote alot things...yeah topic is abortion...gals fite on "never permit abortion" and guys vice versa...well...it's happening this thurs and i'm so looking forward...hee hee...today also manage to arrange a class party tomorrow..in just like 15 mins..all was settled...things we're said...$$ collected...job was given..ahah...cool monkeys! heehee...well came home went to burn "hell notes" for ah ma...haiz..mish my granny...my dada got his hand mao mao burnt! ahah...so cute!!well....was wearing skirt...the heat was so intense..my legs we're like so pain due to the heat.....oh yah...nearly burnt my whole head...bent down to pick up a note and the fire missed my hair by a few inch! haah..phew!well...den later dada bring me and couzzi go yam cha...haha not the place yam cha..but go have tea break...went to tong heng...nice manz...hahaha..the dim sun was so yummy!hee hee...well..come back le...oh yah...today whole day nv sms my darling...i never bring phone la..den no charging...my hp batt flat...so sorri....haiz..okie i think i better go...gotta lil bit of head ach...haiz...buaiz...

2004-08-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

arhz!!i love this new song!!!!ahah so cool!!! damn!!!ahah...sho cute and cool rite??

TROUBLE IS

:fuck non-stop

its enough for you to want me
and i feel love, inside my body
after school i think i'll call you
I've been rude ever since i saw you
I'm sorry

(chorus)
I wanna fuck non-stop
baby i think you're beautiful
you got to tell your pops I'm cool and i'll be good to you
I'll drop you off at your curfew
It's true i wanna fuck non-stop baby i think you're beautiful

i think you're beautiful

At the "y" you were in your g-string
You were shy but you were easy
I don't know why i waited so long
Here I am.....I'll let you in on my secret.

*chorus

so fucking beautiful

And after all the "get to know you's"
there will be some other reason
another feeling that draws me to you

here we are...our bodies calling
just hold on and take it all in

hee hee....nice ritez??well..crazy already...today oral...my geedness!!!made so many mistake!!arhz!!! in one part i said "becuz hor.." wah liaoz...shure die le..haha...well today went shopping with dad...buy gift for some guy...my dad's fren's son...haha...21st b'day...haha...happy birthday whoever you are! hahaah...weird...well...den my dad buy socks...hah byford...told him get levis...he say dun like the colour...hahaha..sianz..den later buy my bro's swimming trunks...haah..nice..by waveline...ahahah...erm..and we went to find his gf...den went to eat...cool...i buy bundong...cuz my aunt cooking..so dun eat...hee hee...den later went to "nine2five" dada gf buy one dress anda blouse...ahah...i dun have!! haha...nvm..haha...there's always next time!! hahaha...cool monkeys!ahahh...shittos...tmr have tuition...heehee..cool...well..i mish mish my darling hamsta muchy!!!love ya loads...think about you alot today!!arhz!!wanna see you soon!!!!!meow...haiz...so sianz now..haiz...nvm la..so hot summore..okie la..i go slack le..chaoz..

low and behold!ahah..

2004-08-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

FATTENED UP! haha..oh yeah...simply love to indulge on fatty stuffy ehz?ahha...well..guess wat?? i just ate like3 cups of choc. chip ice cream!! WHOO HOO! haha..blehz..oimigosh! i shall go eat summore!! ahah potential TAF personal! hahaha...cool monkeys! ahaha...well...update update on mi life...well...CAs was in and it went out...did well in some become a loser in alot!! haha...well..first up! CHINESE! haah.. chin chow china comfirm FAIL!! hahaha...GREAT! haha...erm...maths fail...geedness me! hahah..well..shall work harder!! haha..join tuition!! haha..for maths and physics! haha...physics and chem. fail!! hahaha..well i did better for humanities! haahah...geog erm..scored high! well geog...pass...but ...wish i did better! wasnt up to my expectations....grindness! hahaha...well...well...well...opssay! i forgotten wat i wanna say!! haha..blehz..dearest me!erm..yeah...sch was cool today! oh yah...art!! haha...did ok...got a 68/100...low and behold! hjahaha...well hope to get higher tho! haha...

well today...h.m.m so tired out...had cool fun talking to my hamsta lao gong! haahha...oii stupid hamsta! horny bastard! hahaha...damn i'm high!! ahah...well...too bad..natural born sex crazed! hahaha...h.m.m. still Vgal btw!! jhahaha...cool monkeys! ahha damn it's stuck to my mouth!! haha..well..obsess with two song ! THE RASMUS!! not like the other girls..and also a song titled slow motion for me! haha..it's fun aint it??haha...cool monkeys!! haha..damn...this again...ahaha....well today was...fun...hahaah...bullied my dada!! haahah...purposely drank all the milk in da fridge and he got none!! well..at least i became a darling daughter by making him coffee!! hahaha...cuteness!! hahaha..blehz...wat arsh rubbish! hahaha

blehz..i miss my darling!!!!hope to see him this tues! haha..yeah! so happy!!! oh yah!! tml going to take neo! hahaha...cool monkeys! hahaah.....sista photo gonna update!! YING! sista foreva kayz??ahha...well...thinking of playing pool tmr...h.m.m.ok ok! i call ying now!! hah yeah!! whoo hoo!!! haha....chaoz i go call my babe now!! see yo'll!

sickling...chickened day...

2004-08-23T18:18:00.000+08:00

today is sick hamsta day....sick niaz..nearly late for sch..sianz...woke up..like seven fifteen??only manage to brush teeth change clothes and wet my hair to tie up..sianz..looked messy and sick today...den...walk to sch..walk walk walk half way! ARHZ! pain arhz!..nvm..tot is menstrational pain..so continue go sch..sianz...got more worse...found out today got CHEMISTRY TEST! sianz..never study..forgotten to...haiz..i even bring to book back home just to study nehz..wasted..well..den cramps got worse..damn pain like hell..english period..tried taking some rest...totally in unbearable pain...was trying hard not to show..so as not to cause any stir...haiz..stupid cousin...miss pricilla...wa liaoz..you my cousin dun need to try so hard to act like not lorx..so wat you teacher..yer student in pain you tot i sleep..den still go knock my table so hard..other teacher tap litely..YOU? knock as if i die on my table already..wa liaoz..den nvm..bear the pain till chem period..took test..comfirm..die! haiz..so sick..been such a sickling for so long le..sianz..den recess...took advice to drink soup..okie...i listened...but the pain got worser!! damn...went to general office...got DM to call dada..no one at home..so called dada hp...stayed in sick bay..wait for dada to come...okie..i want to thank sum people...first up..wei shan..it was yer recess time..but you threw it away to be there for me! thx dear...okie and michelle..you cared alot.helped me pack bag..call teacher fetch me hot water..thx!i also wanna thank yi wen for accompany me to G.O...thx..it's appriciated! also thank liu li for helping m cut my silk border..thx babe...well..really happy to have wonderful friends..thx! okie..over heard mr foo talking abt me in G.O. to mr goh..he told goh that i got highest for SS in class and gotten a distinction..mr goh didnt believe.. and even ask" you sure??this cerena you know??sure is this one??or you got the wrong person??"wah liaoz ..but was too pain to care whether i got pass or not..only aim den was to get some rest and wait for my dada!!!

okie dada came..he thanked my frenz..helped me carry back..wah..so gentlemen..haha...den send me to doc imm. he gave accuse say cant wait..cuz i very pain..true ma..haiz..pain like crazy kayz..so pain till cry!!!!damn...cried alot today lorx..well simply terrible...ytd also cry..cuz very pain..den sleep well well.. my family so noisy..had to climb down jsut to shout at them...wa liaoz..well...sickness not due to menstration..but sum gasous prob..not gastric huhz..i think..ahah..well..gave me medcine..not too bad..taste yummy..haah...well..went home rest..some people sms me asking how i was...so sweet and kind of you all..

told my darling i sick..he showed concern..sweet...today 10 mth ann..yeah!!!so happy!!hee hee HAPPY ANN LAO GONG!! muacksy!! haah...well..okie that's abt it..buaiz...

SORRI!!!

2004-08-22T20:50:00.000+08:00

ahahah...sorri to those whome i sent that stupid thing!! sorri arhz!!!!
SANDRA LA!!! she sent me de!!! TA MA DE!! ahahah
sorrri ahz!! haahah blehjz...

well tuition turned out fine...
pretty cool...
annoying guys...
yo'll are nerds...so no pt acting big!!
shit you all fuck up asses!!
stick yo'll tongue into yer mother's pie hole la if you cant shut up!
na bei!! later lao niang cant study! i blame you la!

today ying buy tube for me!!! THANKS MY SWEET PIE! ahaha
well..it's superb lorX!! haah...we got the same ones!! SISTA 4EVA MANZ!
hee hee!! so fun fun!!!so happy!! YEAH!! haah!! mad le!!

well...i just mish my darling too much le!!! SERIOUS!!!!
miss you cann!! wan to see you again!!!
mus watch garfield with me kayz!!!!hee hee!!
love you bao bei!!!hee hee forever and ever!!!yeah...

MUACKSY!!! ahahha...okie la..go go le..i still sick...saddening hor??
think to heaty le bahz...but i drink alot of waters lehz!haiz..dunno!!
okie la...gtg liaoz...sianz...buaiz buaiz!!

NERVOURS!!!!!

2004-08-22T11:38:00.000+08:00

arhz!!!!!!! so scared so scared!! damn few days ago so excited...today starts freaking out!!!! how how??ahahah...so scared nehz..dun no why either....haha..talking bout tuition nehz...today first day...after three long years...feeyoo...butterflies flying arnd my stomach le!! damn damn!! ARHZ!! half and hour time!! hee hee..i think i better get going le...chaoz!! i'll com back here tonite to continue!! buaIZ-

rotten day

2004-08-17T21:26:00.000+08:00

today very rotting...
i'm sorri....
so sorri...
dunno wat's wrong with me cann
haiz...dunno la...very sad...
my eye hurts alot now..
my fever starting again...
just now was forced..now head spinning...
haiz...sorri kayz...really am....
sorri about not letting you call me darling
darling.. i really want you to call me that lorx...
i dunno why i just very angry lorx...
maybe about this afternoon i feel awkward lorx..
haizx dunno la...haiz...sianz...dunno la
sorri cann...sorri...sorri...sorrri....
haiz...wanna tell u i'm still yer wife...
and will forever be...pls dun mistake that i said we wont last..
i saying that means like it's really hard to keep going..so we shd try to give in to each other lorx...
haiz..sorri la darling...sorri... i really love u..and dun wan you to leave me lorx...i promise i will never leave you lorx...i hope you wont leave me too kayz...sorri....

k la

2004-08-16T22:56:00.000+08:00

h.m. today..fun lorx..
glad my dad like the gift
okie okie lorx...
sch was kinda nice...
day was all alrite...
talk to edwin...
not for long
not really liking that..
tot of calling him later...
at least can talk for another 30 mins..
then dad bring us to swensens
ate a wonderful ice-cream..
dad buy b'day ice cream cake..
i chose it..black forest...yum...
went to choc shop ...
buy loads of chocs..
chocoholic!
den came home...
play dry ice..
scare yoghurt with it...
toot dog tot is food...
wat an ass...
den celebrate dad b'day
ate cake...was nice
a two slices...
bro ate 5 slices...
still left alot of cake...
called ed...
became unhappy..Why?
cuz false hope..
his mom..hit him
ask him to get off the phone
no choice gtg...
den after a while he called again
gotta pose as summore i dun really wanna pose as
his god daughter...
sianz...
aint no posers man..
haiz...sorri la..
next time shd hide lorx..
just dun understnad lorx..
like ask me to show my feelings
den i show you not happy...
den i dun show you angry...
i dun no lorx..
haiz..sorri..forgive me
for being like this..
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry...really am...haiz...
i'll try to change this...
give me time...

thank you

2004-08-15T21:45:00.000+08:00

i wanna thank my darling for buying me my playboy wallet and having one thing from my wish list to come true....glad...thx..muackx!!kayz..that's all...and yeah i love it nehz...kayz..using it and have already put our picture inside...got protect it la..i didnt put the latest one..dun feel like cutting it yet...well..got put yer cutie baby pic in it...nice..cute...adorable...love it..thx!

www.boredom.com

2004-08-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

........................................................................
i'm so bored cann...
like really nth to do....
boring day today...
sianie...wat the fuck...
haiz..bored...
talk to three peeps on the phone today...
edwin..keng...colin...
bored..colin is such a bitch
fuck off for calling me a bitch
i helped you alot...
that's yer prob..

keng wrote me testi...
i joined rasmus club
was certified a club member
cool...

keng testi was nice...
i love it...
thing is i aint no ah lian
i'm not a pie hole mungeon

fuck today...boring day..
can go ask people go suck dog's hairy balls...
faggot peice of rotten day...

HAHA...i'm so bored i blab rubbish...
oh how cool...
damn...bored..
hater for school...
sux
bye.

sianz

2004-08-13T17:13:00.000+08:00

h.m.m.m found my kenny G song le...nice huhz??hee hee...well...today suppose to go paly pool with ying and all..but me no money...so dun wanna go...haiz...buying my dada gift tomorrow...ed gonna meet me!! yeah! so happy!! haiz...today boring day..poor ru ru...she sick....haiz...hopes she gets well...yeah...we tok tok alot to day la..ahah...on loads of stuffy lorx..hee hee....den...h.m.m. like that lorx...sianz sianzx lorx...erm..came home use come sianz sianz...den my dada ask me go taka with him!! hee hee!! glad i made the rite choice to go!! yeah! haha...went there...he buy loads of honey...den told him i like leatherwood...den he say if i went go take lorx! wah liaoz..happy like siaoz! so nice cann!! den the container also really nice...honey jag lorx..while my dada like in some ordinary container!hee heel..fun...own personal pure leatherwood honey..hee hee...but i will share la..share abit with my bro or wat lorx..heehee...well..den walk around take...the food area...ahah...buy taka pochi...so nice cann... i took octopus...yum yum..wah liaoz 3 balls for 2 dollars...haah...but nice lorx...hee hee...den go buy 6 bread papa's hahah...yum yum... i now eating one liaoz!! so nice cann!!haiz...well my dada spent like 112 dollars on honey...den hje got sum free honey too lorx..ahah...den he spent like 12 dollars on my food! haha...well..fun day..seems like shopping..ahah one thing good going out with my dada is that he very generous...den always treat me eat eat..hee hee...
hauiz..i mish my bao bei alot...now cant send him any sms...sianz...like got 30 sms can send per day...den for three days i send only 2 sms...wah liaoz..that's lil' haha...but dun feel like smsing anyone besides my darling...well nvm darling..i wait fer yer call tonite.. muacks...mish you loads... i love you kayz?hee hee

arhz!!!

2004-08-11T22:08:00.000+08:00

damnn...my com now got this stupid thing..dunno who activated it..arhz! wat parental control list!! it's slowing down my com .....ASS! arhz!! pissed off..haiz haiz..today not in a very happy mood lorx..haiz...did henna...fun...luff with ying crazily...hee hee...draw henna for her so nice...den her turn help me draw like so....plian and not much of a design...i still must give her ideas and most of it she copy mine...arhz!!her hand was so nice lorx..haahah...wished i chould draw on my own hand...haiz haiz..ahahah..nvm...well saddish today lorx...edwin phone dead liaoz...sms him macham send sms to outerspace...haiz...wait....hold on arhz....okie i'm backk....hee hee...regardless whether phone dead or not..send him a sms to tell him i really love him...damn i missed him..haiz...nvm....well..tml have art lessons!!! fun!!!! i love art!! but..my back....still got prob...haiz...i think i'm really in deep shit lorx...dunno...haiz...arhz...sianz i go now...i think i shd fix my com....DAMN! why am i the only person fixing the com when there's a prob..when got viruse i have to clear...when got internet prob i have to call and ask...when scanner not working i have to fix! i aint no com nerd...i no nutzling about com...arhz!!!haiz...for goodness sake! i'm a girl...when got wiring probs why msut it be me too do the job???arhz!!!life...such a mess...damn....today is a damn day... i damned the whole day....damn damn damn damn!

boring

2004-08-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

haiz...saddening...ytd was the first time watch NDP alone...sobs sobs...was like so quiet lorx...den boring boring..haiz...yoggy bully me!! bark and bark...den bite and bite...and yah...yoggy did a forward roll nehz!! so farni!!! wanna know more call me!! hahah..so farni!! tell you till i drop all my teeth!! hahah...blehz!!!well..NPD was okay okay..didnt really have the feeling for i was so lonely..haiz...happy my bro actually wish me happy national day!!aww...so sweet...ahah...well...edwin kept me company by smsing me....aww..thx bao bei...wat else happened??erm...watch singapore idol!!!! hahaha!!!!! OH MY GEEDNESS!!! haahha...damn they were good...so good at making me luff!! hahahaha!!! i was like luffing like crawzy!!!haah den was like really luffing...den stop...den notice the silence of loneliness...den....den...den...BURST!hahaah...luff again!! rolled on da floor...banged on the door!!and luff till my sound no more...ahah..like luff till no sound lorx..den whole body there vibrating! hahah...without sound! hahah...fun!!

today woke up early..went to heeren...took neoprints with edwin!! yeah!! looks really nice lorx!!haah thx to keng who helped us press!! hahah..thx!! oh yeah!! THANKS TO KENG FOR ALL THE HELP HE'S GIVEN ME!FOR THE HELP WITH EDWIN AND ME! THANK YOU! FOR THE HELP WITH YING AND ME!! THANK YOU!!!! ahahahah....macham oscar award...or the village that girl!! haha..blehz!! rubbish!! haha..well...edwin bring me to west mall..eat the apple golato thingy or wat la..really nice lorx..thing is that they should add my chocss!! hahah...yum yum!! thx darling!! muasky!!den went to the market near ed's house...eat a very very nice chiken rice!! OHHWEE!! haahah...den eat the carrot cake...damn it is sooooo soooo soooo nice!!!h.m.m thinking of going back there again!! ahahah!!well..den went to mai dang dang to study...h.m. edwin help me in my mathz..ahah...made a lot of careless fucking mistake!! hahahah...well nvm...decided to study hard for this comming DT...h.m.m blehx..hope i dun half way lazy again...ahhaah....well...den later haiz...we do alot of thing la today...so fun...really really enjoy myself lorx!!!hee hee...tuition day becum food outing day!! haha..i really love having food outing with ed...that time have ice cream outing day..today good food outing day!! haha...just so fun having this kinda outing with edwin lorx..it's just so nice...

h.m.m made up with ying le...thx fer yer testi...haiz...sorri sista...haiz..i jsut care alot for you de lorx...dun take it too hard kayz...i'll always be yer fren...hee hee...let's be happy back again kayz!!

ARHZZZ SOOO HAPPY TODAY!!!! SOO HAPPY!!! THX DARLING EDWIN FOR TODAY!! REALLY!!!!!MUACKYS!!!!

stupid

2004-08-09T15:18:00.000+08:00

haiz..helped colin write a poem for his gf!~! here it is...

when i first saw you,
my heart went weak.
days without you was so blue.
and to you i wanted to speak.

we've been together for a month,
and i'm really happy.
and thank you for all you've done,
and times you were there for me.

you,shelly yeo,
the girl of my dreams.
the one who brought me up when i was low
and love me more then i chould think.

i thank you for the time we had,
and all the love you provided.
through happy and through sad,
our love, we wont be divided.

sadden

2004-08-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

sis....this post is for you....i hope you know how i feel....haiz... i dun want to be angry towards you...u see the behavior these few days rite??i did it on purpose...thing is..i care alot for you...after all that has happen to u...all those idiots who done shit to you..have make me really really angry...i really care for you and is always protecting you... i dunno why you actually tot of me at a different way...guess you didnt know huh??i cant understand why our frenzhip is nth compare to a relationship with a guy you know not too long...i dunno why..seriously...told me i was baised...you know wat the hell this means or not??i think you're the one who's baised...i asked you out for a while to a nearby place you gave me excuses...and internet fella whome you never met b4 asked you out you immediately said yes...why??nvm...i'm over that...you ask me the opnion of that guy..i told you...and b4 i can even complete my sentance you bombarded me saying that is it becuz he looks like jeff that's why i dislike him...i mean pls lorx..i dun dislike people for no reasons lorx.. i'm jsut afraid that you mite be taken in again...and that you'll suffer another heart ach...you know how much i hurt when you get hurt...i care for you more den i care for myslef...can you see it now??i wasnt even agianst you going out with that guy...but you gotta be careful lorx...you know me for so long le..how can you actually think i look at people's appearance..if i did...my circle of frenz will be made up of really good looking people...and my bf and all will be so damn good looking if i were to care for looks...haiz i dunno la...keng is now talking to you...i hope he'll give you some sense....you're 17...you shdn't be so naive liaoz..haiz...hope you can wake up and start thinking..all the best in your new relationship...and sis...this post dont consist everything...cuz sum things a forbiden to write here....you know wat are all those...kayz...you take care kayz... you're always my fren and sis kayz...dun like that liaoz...

celebration

2004-08-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

this is home...truely...haha..blehz...got that national day thingy in me...misha was crazed...grabbed my hand to sway with her...haah blehz...sho fun...liu li was like so sadden by sum stuffy cann...dun no wat's wrong with that babe...haiz...someone wear loads of foundation today...looks like a doll...erm..wearing make up needs a natural look..not an overdone look...well you look horrible cuz yer so tanned and yer face is white...and worst still..you put blusher...HELLO!!you're face cant take make up...serious...haha...well...mich like purposely shouted that out loud...only yi wen helped you....hahaah...loser...well.nvm...haha...
erm...den arhz!! my dedication wasnt read out...ahah...maybe i wrote to many shit or maybe that time i was at the hall..haha the performance was great...feetoot look so cute...haah.. and the "chio bu's" were so chio manz!! hahahah...pretty woman..walking down the street..ahah..blehz.."pretty" ehz...ahah...well it was extremly farni and yet we learn sumthing...hee hee...well..rushed home to change and stuff...ajhhaha...lurve my clothes today...hip hop manz...hahaah...den wait for ying like super long...always come down fasionably later..cool..her dress sense improve...no longer like lap guia...haah(pros) hahaah...well..keng went along with me to meet EDWIN~ yesh my lao gong..finally can see him le...well...went to bu ticx for the village...Q was so long cann....q like siaoz..ahhaah...den walk walk around..went to heeren with the intention of taking neopicx...er hem...but...loaded with peeps...erm..met sum"peeps" and "bitch" there...shall not name them...well..wasnt really happy i saw them...spoil my mood to take neo prints...and so lnog summore..so in the end never take..sobs sobs..never mind lao gong...we shall go another day...hee hee...well...ate in food court cuz like only place not crowded cann...cine was jammed pack...h.m..m well...ate jap foody!!! yum yum!! ahaha...today fri..so cant eat meat...so ate salmon teriyaki set! yum yum!! salmon was really nice cann! hahaha...well..wat elsey nehz??haha...erm...ya..went toilet met emilia and her friends! jhahaha...she's so cool now manz..her frenz hair was like nice cann!! haha...she changed..that's my comment...haha...well...grown taller also...see me?? never grow at all..sobs sobs...hahah...well..watch the movie...summone scared ehz..never mind la...close eyes lorx...dunt worry..me here...ahhaah....den erm wat...it's nice lorx..ying watch it too today..i think other place ba..and comfirm chop chop is that guy pay for her...haiz..she huhz...nvm...well..she tell me not nice.. i know why!! cuz she fucking dun understand..her mind so "zhi dun" comfirm like so blur lorx..haah...well...had fun lorx..bully keng on the train! HI 5 man hubby...ahah...well had great great fun...i think i'm jsut very happy that i spend it with edwin bao bei...it's like so looking forward to this day lorx...heehee..well the rest is a secret..ahahah..okie la..i crapped alot in here liao cann...shall go le...chaoz!!

gone....

2004-08-02T14:12:00.000+08:00

haiz.....still hurting....such a sickling....had thoughts of not going to school...decided to....changed class...now aint gonna walk up till fourth level...good...h.m.m.m.carry loads of books down till ground floor...hurt my back...suffered back and stomach pains...suffering...haiz...well..utterly upset today...chem could really score...but due to wrong triangles...whole thing went totally wrong...damn...haiz...what a waste...i'm such an ass....well..got back my english results...really unhappy....could have done better...haiz...lack of sleep...then because of this was so sleepy...only aim was to write my composition and letter of complaint as fast...in the end lost marks in complaint letter...forgotten to write address...and date...and from who..and to who...damn..was so blured...what a waste again...extremly disappointed...haiz....well...got back chinese results too...was ask to stay back and study in order to pass....regreted being lazy and not studying...haiz...not really sad about this...knew i was responsible...damn...today is so saddening...cant stand today...now waiting...for mich..pass my empty disc...then gonna call misha...help her burn songs...then pass to her...haiz....so tiring...wasnt able to go out and enjoy....starving now...lucky aunt bought bread...now munching ....hm.m.m not really filling...but contented....haiz....read somthing today...felt really broken when i saw it...haiz..shall not go there...not gonna talk about this at all...not even to keng...still living in a world of pretend...haiz...shall hide all emotion...and gonna PRETEND...once again...haiz...a clown with black tears....hurt....pain....crying on the inside....wondering to myslef why...haiz...really upset...haiz...know it's doesnt really mean anything to anyone and it's always viewed as unimportant or small...but to be small stuff adds up to create big stuff....haiz...shall let this heartach pass....decide to forget misery....i chose to be happy today..so i shall be...even though it means to hide away from this ugly picture...what i read that made me sad...i wish i never knew...i wish it was told to me...rather then i find it out myself...

utterly upset for what i read
wishing what i read wasnt true
but it's too late for my heart has bled
and now my world is simply blue

why wasnt i the first to be told
why must it be hidden
but what i read had the truth unfold
nearly cried while i was readin

i wish i was the first to know
wish you didnt lie
for small stuff like these eventually grows
and will still be remembered even when i die.....

world of aches!!!

2004-08-01T17:10:00.000+08:00

arhz!!!! world of ach.....haiz...my head ach...stomach ach..back ach....so many...arhz....my stomach now hurts like crazy...arhz!!!!damn...i feel as if i'm dying...haiz haiz...pain arhz....this few days never blog cuz sick like siaoz..hahah...haiz...this blog also gonna be a short one...cuz me going to rest...very sick la..haiz...chaoz...

29.july.2004

2004-07-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

arhz!!!!still sick...haiz haiz...dun wanna go see doc....no way...no way....ahhah...(roses) hahaah...outkast nehz.hahha...blehz...darling here that till sianz sianz...ulcers getting better...my headach still getting on ...haiz haiz....den back still hurts...haiz....well...got that aikido streching from my bro...complaint to him about back probs.....hahaha...den my knees and arm and pain and aching..damn..feel like a old woman...ahhaha...nag nag...ahhaa...no la...siaoz...haah...haiz...now got flu....bad bad...den cough summore...sick hamsta liaoz....brbARHZ! haha..just went to sneeze...ahahah....cold cold nehz...now rainning....hee hee raindrops keep falling on my head....hahah..okie stop singing...ahah blehz..so bored....got chinese hw but dun wanna do liaoz...cant finish..tml got chinese test...comfirm chop chop fail....h.m.m. tml gonna smile at ying in the morning...haha..kinda feel like doing that..haha..that fat ass....from begining of july till now never go taf club...hor hor..later tahir find you arhz!!! hahah....haiz...i heard now taf club becum dance lesson rite??go music room and dance or do arobics rite??ifl ike that i feel like joining taf le!!! hahaha.....still remember me and kai sing once were so crazy we skipped lesson and went to run with the taf people...haha...kinda fun lorx!! hahaha...haiz..back hurts~!!! arhz!!!if i were to bend can hear like loads of cracking...hahaah!!

well..sianz...miss my darling...now rain rain..miss him even more...hee hee...got my silk painting back le....fun! the gutta like smerge alot of parts...but manage to like use initiative to cover it...haah yeah!! well..gonna paint it next week!! so excited!! hahaah.. i love ART! hahaha...so fun...like do it with patients...letting yer mind relax and be flexible...let it express....h.m.m. den like just draw it...den slowly let yer mind be creative...wow...so fun lorx...hee hee....wanna paint soon...hhaha...but i think mind sux....cuz alot of smurging....cuz hand lor..shiver and shiver....whole body like weak weak...haiz..suck a weakling...sianz...haiz...hahaah....dunno.....cramps acting up now...agian...haiz...why?????arhz!!!my back like really killing me...i think i got prob le...how how??haiz....me going off now la..back need rest le...haha..walking arnd with my hand on my back..look like pregnant!! EWWw!! hahaha....not eww la...but...erm... NO WAY!! haha no way...ahha roses again...ahah..mad liaoz...see yeah chaoz..muackidies...

28.july.2004

2004-07-28T15:12:00.000+08:00

arhz...pain..pain....saddening..haiz...today like so terrible....damn...my stomach hurts...den my back still ach and it hurts badly....found a blue black on my spinal cord....arhz....haiz...wat else??still got flu nehz...haiz haiz...den my right butt cheek still hurts...i think cramp..hahaah..blehz..so farni...butt muscles cramp!! ahaah....well...my ulcer...currently have two!! arhz!! and hurts alot...but heng heng yesterday dada buy me lotion nehz!! hhaahha!! so now like getting better...and yeah..yi wen also got me sum ulcer powder or wat la...told me was effective...hee hee..shall try....hee hee...see ...wen wen care for me!! haha...

well...today in the morning mich PMS! as i say..she everyday for sure PMS! i cant stand it liaoz...haiz...very wat....everytime have pms for sure give attitude...fine...want to be like that...today you get it rite???well...today had ss for first lesson...grp disscussion...well...sat with liu li and mich was suppose to join us....but NO! act big dun wanna move...nvm...so me and liu li tok tok....she have probs..and sum emotional stuffy going on...so just like asking me on certain stuffy....well...saw mich sitting there doing nothing.. i invited her to join us....den we did talk to her a lil...but she just act "da xiao jie" so arrogant that she ignored us...fine...nvm.. i down there already keeping cool already...den when mr foo came ...why the fuck you hafta complian...must go bao tou me and liu li! ta ma de!wah liaoz..chee bye lorx...den you down there still give attitude..den knn...tiao me for wat?huhz?? i got do anything not??you this lil bitch...i always help you when the class bully you...this how you repay me is it??why?? jealous i talk to liu li dun tok to you is it...can dun so lesbian notz??even if i les i wont go wif you de...always giving me attitude..like last time...cme lesson..den until pe lesson...give me pms attitude...i told you today i also got pms so dun provoke me rite??den why still do it??well happy rite...i tell you arhz..dun wan me to scold you best dun provoke me cann!!well...mr foo know we never disscuss...thank you arh mich...so call me up ans qns lorx!! oii mich?? happy not??knn... i know the ans la!! dun need yer fucking help!political political...think i dun no athz...i also know have economic and cutural...na bei..you think lao niang stupid isit??chee bye...you think mr foo there i dun there scold you loudly in class arhz?so wat mr foo go help you say if i scold you means scold him??na bei..he love you la...mr FOO so FAIR...cuz always eat tou FU....eat people tou FU ma!!! eat yours rite??msut be...no wonder help you...chee bye..jsut like last time..give me AP..den later say sorri den go hug my arm and ask for forgivness..na bei...dun touch me la..like last time jsut wat i expected...you today also like that...that's why first few times never forgive you...na bei..you better thx me today i not angry..otherwise i tell you...you'd pray you werent born!

haiz...today come that thing...pain like siaoz..haiz haiz...ahah..today so many farni things happen!!...haiz..so pai sei...today while waking up stairs with liu li...she go jump...den nearly step on a peice of potato..haha...den me dunno why suddenly said " EeeE potato!" in like a small girl voice..arhz..den i luff and look down...den arhz!!! derrick lim down there looking up at me!! arhz!! so pai sei!!! he heard me said the potato thing!! damn!! haiz...

well today got S.O.P...hee hee...all the malay boys in my class attacking each others dick!! haha...wanna knoe??wat happen??call me...dun wanna type here...kinda lazy...hahaha...well..farni farni lor today...OH yA! did i mention my couzzi pricilla is teaching P.E in my school...arhz....feel kinda not excited bout it...ahah....today stand beside her she never notice me...hahaah...nvm la....if you my teacher you will know..haah....

well that's all la..think gonna sleep soon...den go do my work!! haiz...buaiz buaiz!!!

[[[[[ok la...i know edwin is looking for his name all over this post but dun have rite??haha... did it on purpose...haha..yesh darling..i really miss you...looking forward on seeing you again...i miss you terribly....muaxksy!love you always!]]]]]

26.july.2004

2004-07-26T22:17:00.000+08:00

h.m.mnow must type fast... my bro cumming out in any moment...haiz..today arhz..okie lorx..not too bad lorx...ahhaah....well...h..m.m.today...yah...that girl wanted one on one...well...didnt want to fite so yeah..told her i dun wan to...haiz...very naive...haiz...well..nvm...we're okie now...hm.m.m mish me lao gong alot....so long neber see him le...haiz..still msut wait for like two more weeks or so...haiz...sho long...haiz....today...sianz....got headach and two ulcers...haiz...so jia lat....den got abit sick sick lorx...block nose lorx..haiz...die arh die..dunno wat becumming of me....haizz...arhz!! my head hurts lorx...damn....well...h.m.m..wanted to change song to jay zhou de gui ji....but sianz...got that b4...so decided to stick to my techno...hee hee...fantasy project rawks nehz!! hee hee!!well...h..m.m dunno...sianz...bored...miss darlin edwin sho muchy!! HAMSTA!!!!! miss you nehz!!!! bao bei hamsta!!! sobs sobs...haiz...well...h.m..m dunno...hhaahah...hope to see you soon....okie that's all...buaiz buaiz!!

part two...

2004-07-24T23:42:00.000+08:00

I'M SORRY!!!!! I"M ALWAYS WRONG!!!! NEVER WAS PERFECT!!!!! I"M SORRY I WASNT GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I SUCK!!!!

sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.............................so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i suck la can?????life suck becuz i suck...i'm totally useless.... i am not good enough rite??????useless me!!! i suck once again!!! am a losser!!!!was told to end this but i dunn wan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!why you never have patients with me!!!!!!!!!! i'm always trying to change for you........but you're wanting me to be PERFECT!!!!!!!u always talk about how to sacrifice.....why cant you see mine????i've even lose aji as a friend....just to concentrate on you......i put you in first priority....frenz ask me out fer movie....rejected them....why???cuz i place you first...but you never see...wat i always do for you....i'm hanging on...still hanging on...dunno...sorry for not being good enough...wished you accepted me for who....you told me you did..you told me you will...but you lied...i still need to be perfect rite???dun worri....i'll live a lie....i'll pretend to be happy when you surprise...pretend to be happy when i'm sad.....jsut live a world of pretence cuz that's exactly the way you want me to be....PERFECT!haiz... i love you damn it...still will...always will....dunno....always telling me to be wat i am...telling me that's the way it should be....so i'm just obeying....but you hated it!! YOU HATED ME!!! for being me!!!! whY!!!!!!?????!!!!!!haiz....dunno....i hate myslelf....haiz...always sms u....like...sms to no one....sumtimes feel lonely...you're not there....feel neglected...you're not there....i accepted it all....never complain..sumtiems you fail....i accepted it....helped you with it...encourage you .....forgiven you....when i'm hot tempered?? i got scolded....got told i was aggrassive....you're still wanting me to change into your perfect girl..you lied to me again...saying i was the girl of your dreams...guess you dream was a nitemare...i wasnt perfect...you lie....if you say you didnt lie den why always wanting me to be perfect?????????i dun understand....i feel sucky....feel down!!! KEITH HELP ME!!! haiz...ya..he's helping me now...told maybe i shd end my suffering...but i'm willing to suffer....i still need you...but you never see....haiz...i'm holding on....pls help me.....stop pushing me.....i cant be perfect...but i'll try my best....even if it mean for me to do anything..i will...i'll lie... i'll pretend...i'll keep my pain and sorrow in me....i'll laugh at yer jokes... i help u all i can... i'd do anything for you....even if it means taking my life.... i will...seriously....if i cant be perfect enough...den no point living...shall end my life....so you wont habe to suffer....i'll burn again....cuz i'm not perfect....i hate myself for not bring gd enuff for you...and that i shall be punish and it shall scar me for life........thanks.....i love you.....thanks...i miss you...thanks....i'll hold on....thanks...for all this...thanks...i'll pretend...thanks... i'll be perfect.........thx......

just to make you happy
i shall pretend
hoping you'll still love me
and never have no end

need you here all the time
when i'm sad and lonely
thought you'll make it fine
but you talk so coldly

i'll try my very best
to reach your expectations
sorry i made your life a mess
so this poem is my dedication

i'm sorry for being so aggrassive
i didnt mean for that
but hope you'll try to belief
the hurtful things i said wasnt a fact

hope you wont be angry
with this post i wrote today
let's go back to what we used to be
growing stronger day by day

i dont want to fight with you anymore
caused i really love you
i'll always wait for your call
and my love for you shall always be true....

darling i'm sorry for all that i've done...please forgive me....i'll try to change kayz...let's end this shit today....

24.july.2004

2004-07-24T15:31:00.000+08:00

yeah!! haha...my techno is on!! hahaha....crazy baby by fantasy project....arhz!! cool!! hahaha....well...today....wasted...woke up so early justfor that stupid X-country den in the end rain..den kena postpone...wah liaoz...sianz...ahha...well....went to bedok eat breakfast..like an old uncle....two half boil eggs plus two slices of bread with kaya and butter added with sugar...den with one cup of teh-C....fun manz!!! cuz all this cost a total of $1.80 only...ahahah...cheap rite??wah liaoz...ahhaah...well..den went bugis...hahaah..played this cute thing..haha...like this olden game or what la..the one where you use chopstick to transfer marbles from one bowl to another??ahahha...yeah..challenge my friends...win a alot of times!! see la...me used chopstick wrong style still can win...ahha..dun no why....ahahah....well after that crazily go play the water display!! hahahaha!!!! got wet like siao...took many photo of us playing...hahaah...so fun..but in the end so wet...wah liaoz.....oh yah..today caught my sis smoke...wah liaoz...dun smoke le la...and slyvia...you also better not smoke...tell you b4 not to smoke den you never listen..worst still...go give my sis one..na bei...better dun do that...sis..sorri i throw yer ciggrette away...but please la..dun hor...you promise le...dun break...cuz it breaks my heart....haiz..you must take care you know...haiz....

well....today...ahah..play till giddy...den so wet sit in the train...so cold niaz!!! arhz!!!!well...came home and took a great bath!!! haah...

yeah...den talk to my baby...hahaha....happy happy!! hahaha....h.m.m. want to see you soon nehz....hee hee love you...

you are my best friend
and i love you alot
our friendship will never end
even if we have alot of faults

i really care for you
and i'll never stop
i hope you do too
but today you were caught

i hope you'll stop that habit
and i pray to god you will
i dun want a smoke addict
so please know how i feel

23.july.2004

2004-07-23T21:44:00.000+08:00

should i put a techno song in my blog??it's quite nice leh!! haiz....okie...shall do that....well...today...go all well...had a bit of mood swings...just sumthing pissed me off la....not sumthing la....actually sumone....haiz..dun say..dun say....saddened and angered at the thought of it...well...today..h.m.m had loads of fun in eng lesson...first time it was actually not boring..ahaha...cuz we got to do sum interesting stuffy...hahaha "acted" as a wife of sharz...haha..blehz...but i pity haziq...hahaah...."acted" as a husband of michelle...haahha....both of them we're like pushing each other to mich...ahahah....den feroz sided sharz so he was like telling haziq to br mich's "husband" hahaah...what's cute is...ahahha..me and sharz were like not a couple...but like people playing cupid!! hahah...sho fun...we down there suan haziq so much!! hahaha...den was like he so cute go call mich DARLING! hahaha....den still say so loud that she's his wife...me ans sharz luff like hell....when ridz saw that haziq was mich's "husband" ridz luff like mad!! hahaah...so farni!!!

well...today went to heeren....took neoprint....nice nice!!! it was like nine bucks but worth while....darling!! go take with me!! very fun!!! hahaha...well..it was really cool today...went to eat tori-Q....h.m.m den remember today friday...NO MEAT!!arhz...sorri God sorri...forgive me....haiz....den...erm...shops shop around....saw a really nice wallet...playboy!! arhz!!!sianz...no $$ ...haiz...nvm la..just a wallet....not say i dun have one....h.m.m.m. well...nvm...haahah....

today tok tok wid mi baobei!! haha....craped bout art....ahah...think he was bored....art boring huhz??sorri niaz baby...well...maybe cuz you dun understand art...ahha..blehz..it's okie..i'm so weird....nite is a party girl...day...loves art...wat am i?? i myself dunno....sumtimes see me at sea shores staring at it for hrs...and sumtimes you see me partying like crazy..dancing to the music...heehee...weird..yes....

well..gave me a surprise call ehz??well..not very surprising..ahahha..but got a lil bit of surprise la...haiz...thanks ...your called made me cheer up a lil bit...cuz was really unhappy abt sumthing and sumone...dunno la...just hope that person will come to their senses....haiz....i'm toralating liaoz...will never show me anger...just pray that you will stop bein wat you are now....i'll never do anything and remain the same...but it makes me boil la...just kinda fastrating tt's all...h.m.m..

well..no matter wat....i'll always try not to blow in anyways..heez....haiz...;dunno....bored...

well...today...h.m.m. yah..tml X-country...sianz...dunno la..siaoz ...haiz...well...for sure boring de..and sufferingly hot...well...haiz....boring...haiz..tml...sianz...need to wake up early!!! CRY!!!! sobx sobx!!! well...art..doing fine...hee hee...finish drawing on my silk le!! sho happy!! hee hee...sianz...dunnno...

okie la..go go le....sianz...heeeezzzz......

Our Anniversary

I seriously miss you badly,
you know I always did.
I'm missing you so sadly,
I softly weep.

I really want to see you soon again,
want to hold you near.
Always running in my brain,
that being without you is wat i fear.

Today is our ninth month anniversary,
and so much have already passed.
But i really want this to be,
a love of you and me to last...

22.july.2004

2004-07-22T22:43:00.000+08:00

lalalala....haiz..doing art now....fun!! hahaah....damn my development kinda farni...cutetho.... hahaha....well...today....sianz la...smth happen...well..jsut to say tt it wasnt my fault....dun any how cum find trouble with me la.....very bo liao lehz...haiz... i dun wanna fite de kayz...haiz...me jsut wanna lay low and dun want any trouble....haiz....dun make sho much thing for me....cuz people who make me really angry wont come to a good end de....sad to say...but true...dunno why either...haiz...well..today eat chilli...challenge with farhan...haha..me one bite..he'll take two bite...ahah...i ate with ease...he....my god...hahaah....hiyoz....one chew on the first bite he cry liek crazy~~ hahhaha...my god la!! hahaah...still want to dare me...think i girl not daring mehz??well.. i kinda able to stand chilli lorx...ahahah....

well...so fun manz...cant wait to paint my silk!!!! arhz!! gonna make it a great one...den maybe gonna scan into com!! and maybe put it here!! lalala!! sho happi!! hahaha...well...today my dar dar ham ham sho cute...mish ham ham nehz!! lalala!!! sho happy!!! lalala!! sho happy!! lalala....happy!!okie la...gtg liaoz see ya!!!

21.july.2004

2004-07-21T22:16:00.000+08:00

sobs sobs.....so sad...me still an sickling!!! arhz!!!! yesterday was like down with flu...today like down with stomach cramps or wateva..dunno wat the hell is wrong with me...dun no why always fall sick so easily....sobx....well..today had loads of fun!! erm...yeah..today racial harmony day....had my palm drawn with henna...very nice niaz..haah...it's like we got to choose which one we wanted but i just said that i trust the lady's imagination...and it turned out really nice..more better den the picx i should say...ARTHZ!., my eye!!! arhz!there it goes again...it hurts...arhz!!brb..

ok back....arhz..my eye....it's like as if sumone punched me in the eye...dunno wat's wrong...haiz...as i said...sickling..haiz...told ying when i die..for sure due to sickness de....haiz..die...haiz...dunno la...well..let me continue my story...yeah...erm...my henna was great...den bought this test tube thing where we can put our name inside...well....sumone act so dramatic and wanted it too...sianz...ahah..keng made a name!! reinald!! nice one bro!! reinald manz!! so nice!! if i were a guy i would name myself sky! haah..no la..so ah beng..haha....raphael?? nice huhz??haha...well....am a girl..so cerena....haah...unique huhz??haah blehz..bhb..ahah..same as mi hubby..haahah....me and darling sosiam same..ahaha...so kawaii!! hahaha...well....got him one...den later saw mr foo with a bouquet of flowers..fake one la..those made with sum material...haha....well...he buy it jsut to raise funds...well...he gave it to me nehz!!!ahhaah...erm...dun anyhow think huhz!! hahaha....he's gay alrites???hahaha....
haiz....my tummy still hurty!!! meow....sad sad....aww...naiz naiz....haiz...well....dunno la....haiz....mish me lao gong!!

oh yah...very angry wif an idiot!! chris or kris!! you go die la you!!!!give my number to idiots!! go die la you chee bye kia!!! make so much trouble...go burn in hell!!!ta ma de!!! stupid kevin also..go die la!!!na bei...lao niang bu hao re de okay! na bei chee bye....wah lan....nothing to do !go teach grandmother suck egg la!!! na bei!! make me so angry!! if this happen again i tell you i gonna make you no more fathers day!!! chee bye!! leave me alone la!! not single ok! andi dun make frenz with idiots and bastard! get a life la!!na bei! wah kaoz...sianz...see la..so angry till my stomach not tt pain le!!!

haiz..hope my life will get better...stupid bunch..spoil my day....well...at least got kai sing helped me...and edwin to understand and help me through..thanks to my good fren kai sing and thanks to my darling!! muacksy!! love you loads!!!

okie...i guess i'm gonna go liaoz..me very sick le...hope tml will be better!!!
haiz...well...gtg liaoz...sick sick..sobx sobx....me tml got art...sianz..haiz...hope tomorrow will be fine...jhee hee....haiz,and one more thing!!!! ISSAC NG SUCK!!!!!! he suck ok!!!!suck steady manz!

20.july.2004

2004-07-20T20:38:00.000+08:00

lalala.......arhz!!! hahaah....so fun today....but sick....aww....niaz niaz niaz...sianz....not gonna write so much today...so sianz...haha...yeah found a nice nice pic...haha...shoo cute!! i love eeeyore!!!!!!!!

19.july.2004

2004-07-19T22:09:00.000+08:00

haiz...sianz...so sianz....well..today arhz....made up lorx....now fine le....h.m.m wat else...felt confident that my chem will pass...cuz really understand the chap...sianz...so bored...bored like siao...did chinese today....sianz....boring...haiz..haiz..haiz..arhz..cant stop sighing...feel...bored..lonely...haiz..haiz...dunno la..siao liaoz...haiz..dunno la..siaoz...haiz...well..my blog now very shuai liaoz....still in love with chocolate...h.m..m nice huhz??heehee....my table scribbled wid words liaoz...alt of nonsense....haiz....serendipity....full of shit and serendipity on my table...wrote the chorus of the funeral song on my table...very chio....today poor baby sick....my daring sis...aww...take care...sista give ya honey water to drink tomorrow kayz!! hope you get better....h.m.m.mme also gonna get sick le...haiz...sneezing le...haiz..me damn weak la...if sumone stand beside me and sneeze...next day i sick le..haiz...dunno la...haiz...mish you...better there's nth we can do abt it...haiz..distance...haiz...well.. i wait...let's go watch king arthur kayz...den later garfield...hee hee....well...oh yah..anyone wants to go zoo wif me??sianz...i miss all the animals...hee hee...lurve all those cuties....haiz..okie la...go go le...so sianz..bored..bored to death...serendipity all over...haiz...arhz....sianz...burn...haiz..sianz...

18.july.2004

2004-07-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

Artist: Kylie Minogue Album: Body LanguageTitle: Chocolate

Fragile, seems I opened up to quick and all my dreams were woken upI slowly lost my fightwith every single man a river criedI had no sensation, completely numb I felt no satisfactionI thought no one could ever get me high againI swear I was not lookingI've waited so long, I thought the real thing was a fake, I thought it was a tool to break me downyou prove me wrong againIf love were liquid it would drown me in a placeless place refine me,in a heart shape come around me and then melt me slowly downif love were human it would know me in a lost space come and show me,hold me and control me and then melt me slowly down, like chocolateTastes so good my hearts been mended, who'd have thought it would?an empty bed and still I won the catch, a man who I love and who loves me backI've waited so long for love to heal me, so I'd feel it, thought it wasn't real and then you cameyou prove me wrong againIf love were liquid it would drown me in a placeless place refine me,in a heart shape come around me and then melt me slowly downif love were human it would know me in a lost space come and show me,hold me and control me and then melt me slowly down, like chocolateCome here, zoom in, catch the smilethere's no doubt it's for you and I'm addicted tonightJust one look boy to mellow it outjust one heart here to save me nowyour candy kisses are sweet I knowhold me tight baby, don't let go

17.july.2004

2004-07-17T03:45:00.000+08:00

hey peeps...who went to evss arts nite ytd??it rawk huhz??well...wanna thank my sweet baby liu li for screaming my name...haha...blehz..and fina also rite??andi know it wasnt you two...ahah...i whole bunch was...haha...thx my lovely darlings...love you all loads...haah...but i know we did suck la...ahahah..blehz...well...keng.. i think the horoscope thingy you said wasnt true la....my life didnt get better....got worser....haiz....maybe it's meant to be...for me to have pain everytime i smile...why is it always like tt?? den when there is sumthing tt makes me so happy i'll be put down by sumthing....god...why play wif my life...???it's not funny you now...haiz...guess i'll never be happy again...perhapes being gothtic will help...just push away all pain...all anger....everything..push all away...i dunno la...maybe i seriously have an attitude prob...you can dun go accept me...i'll just let it be...sumtimes i really feel so so so so sad and hurt...but i just keep quiet..not wanting to pull you out of yer happiness....i was really happy to tell you bout my day...but you had so many probs...and i feel very pain....that my poor baby is feeling so down...but guess you see it in a diff. way.....YOU STILL PUSH ME AWAY!!!! why??haiz..i was just trying to care for you...but when i just told you i wasnt really in the mood to tell you wat happen...you jsut shoot me and told me i'm always like dat... i admit i'm always like dat....and you are too....but why i cant accept you ...but you cant!!!well....maybe wat is said is comming true...whoever falls in love wif me will be unlucky fer hte rest of his life...haiz...i tot you'd change tt...you told me you would...haiz...guess you never huhz??haiz..probably you forgotten...you're always forgetting...haiz..one day you mite forget our ann. den later my b'day...den my number...den slowly.........me................and you'll forget tt you ever knew me......haiz....you told me you love me wif yer mind...but i guess you cant love me wif yer heart...it's hard...to love you....knowing you mite be wat you used to be...scared everytime you mite just leave me....scared of yer lower nature...bringing you down...haiz...i accept all of it....if i were any gal...you think i'll still be here???haiz...i've been told to let you go...and find my happiness....but i didnt...cuz i knew tt if i could try helping you...loving you...being wif you..and make you smile....den i'll be contented enuff....tt i dun ever need any more happiness...you really cant see tt i love you...tt i care....cuz you're always pushin my away...you never knew how much i love you...wat i feel...cuz you cant be bothered to hear me out....always blocking me away....haiz...nbm...i guess next time i'll jsut keep quiet....let you say all you wan....i dun know wat you really want...when i keep quiet...you ask me dun like tt and ask me to tok....but when i tok you shout at me to shut up....why?? i dun understand....you told me i always tell keng my probs....but did you knoe tt it is you whome i always tell to? i seldom tok to keng already....and when i said tt i'm jsut telling you i depend on you more already...but you turn around and shot me down by sayin tt i wan you to wash yer hands off jeanette....for fuck sake....if i wan tt whd i let you help her tt time...whd i force you to call her???did i hold you back from being her fren???and i even told her to forgive you and continue being frenz when she wanted to give tis frenship up! and you dare fucking said tt i wan you to wash yer hands off her....i know i dun like her...but i'm not evil ok! tt's wat is so weak about me...no matter how much i hate or dislike a person...my heart always is too soft...tt's the reason why i helped kah wai even tho she put me through so much pain...even kai sing had to scold me out of it so i wont regret....i guess you always see me as evil...always seeing my flaws....well...maybe i'm never gd enuff for you...never have been huhz??YOU WANT ME TO BE WAT YOU WANT ME TO BE!!!! YOU DIDNT EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE TT HUHZ??? why is it when jeanette has a prob..you tok her out nicely...how bout me??????did you???for fuck sake you ask me to damn well shut up....i guess she's always better huhz??? no wonder you can always surpass your other ex....always better den all yer gf....she better den me rite???probably i'm jsut like yer ex.....maybe i'm really a subsitute...dun tell me i'm not...but the way you're treating me it is ok!haiz... i guess i aint gonna tell you anything anymore...just shut it all in me....just pretend to smile and be happy....try my best to be wat you expect me to be....i'm gonna hide me inside of me....and show sumone else personallity....all this while i'm always being who i am...you told me i shd... and i did...but you hated it...it's weird huhz??tt you always lie....saying tt it's gd...or like saying tt i shd be proud of certain things...but wat the hell you did???you told me tt was my flaw!!! tt i look up to myself! omg....you told me i shd be this i shd be tt....doing this is gd for you...but when we quarrel you tell me all this is bullshit....so you were really lying huhz??guess you did....well....i'll go now...it's useless typing it all down here...cuz i know you do read...thanks...but it never goes in yer head huhz??you jsut read it blindly...like wat you always say....you're blind...but i'll help you...even if you're blind to see tt i'm helping...

Always look out for me,
always make sure you'd call.
For one day if my love you will see,
i might not be here at all.

i'll always be here with you,
loving and caring patienly.
i'll cheer you up if you're feeling blue,
although you'd do things that will hurt me.

I never want to leave,
never thought of that at all,
but my love i will always give,
even to hell i may fall.

i really hope that one day you'll see,
even it might never be,
the pain i've been through just for thee,
so that you'll live life happily.

even if you love me no more,
i'll still be here,
if anytime if you shall fall,
i'll take your pain...some ..most....ALL,

just needing you to see,
that i need you too.
but what's meant to be is meant to be,
but i'll never stop loving you.

i hope one day you'd come to realize,
the pain i'm going through,
please look me in the eye,
when you say you love me too...

always loving you even if you're too blind to see.......

16.july.2004

2004-07-16T19:01:00.000+08:00

ARHZ!!!!!haiz....dunno la....haiz...haiz... haiz...sianz...really sad...didnt want to go...haiz...feel....haiz...dunno....haiz....i'm sorry for today... i wasnt angry....really....i've told you already...i hope you understand... i jsut bloody miss you too much...was so looking forward for today for like so many days liaoz...was so excited and scared i cant go...but i cld...haiz...but it's so short today...i need more time...haiz...i need you...i jsut miss you so much....ur not here rite now...and i'm getting tt feeling again...u was wif me like an hr ago....holding my hand...but now all i feel is the keyboard...i still smell you...but i cant see you...yer presense is needed...haiz...I JUST MISS YOU CAN?!?haiz...hope everything will be fine....i'll look forward into our converstation later on...and i'll not be sad....or try not to be...at least...i dun want to riun our conversation...haiz... i love you....seriously i do...alot...truely....haiz....

14.july.2003

2004-07-14T16:32:00.000+08:00

haiz...this few days really down...down and sad...haiz haiz....well...today not tt bad la...hahaah...kinda nice la...ahha...fun la...haah...arhz!! misha!! messing wif my head...haah...but no worries!! me aint gonna change...haah.. i still likes boys!! hahahaha....okie...i still love edwin i shd say!!hahaah....well...dunno la..ahahah...did alot of funny stuff!! hahaha!haiz..abit giddy cuz today keep wearing misha's specs!! haha...haiz..okie la..today kinda boring la...but chat to alot of peeps today...like ru ru and liu li...and wei shan..ahah...alot la..haha...very sian...ahah..wrote a whole lotta shit on my table!!!hahaah...oh yah...gonna fite wif sec one or two people liaoz...damn shit...throw my chair to the otherside of classroom!! kao pei la!wah kaoz...nvm..heng they never write my table..if did i tell you...they all better lick all the write off my table niaz!!ahah okie la..so sianz...go go le...gonna tok to my lao gong!! hee hee...chaoz!

11.july.2004

2004-07-11T23:53:00.000+08:00

haiz...sad....very....very....very...sad....my old life kinda taking me back....the old me might be cumming back....that door is open...it's open...by sumone...shd have never gone there...never....damn risky...wanted to take my life...end ....haiz....was pulled down today....really pulled...dreams...inspiration...lost...pride...dignity...no more...was told i never control my anger...cant blame him...cuz he never knew how much anger i could release...he tot i never tried....but i did...he just didnt know...cuz if never control...whd have not be talking to him there already...whd have been hitting around...throw things.....scream.....but i didnt... i controled...but was pulled down..cuz he said i didnt control...didnt try...didnt change..i am not perfect...and i know tt....no over nite change is easy...was accused of thinking i'm too noble... so i guess it was a lie when you said i was huh??ask arnd whether each human is different...they will say yes...i cant be like you...i'm not perfect...but you're always picking on my flaws...pushing it till i can no longer stnad to fite fer my rights...he said he helped me...but did he?? have i got an encouragement when i become angry? instead was told off....did i ever tell you off when you failed? did i? did i try ways and means to help you? did my ways hurt?was it too much??or too difficult to handle?wat ways have you tried to help me control my anger??name them...i'm not saying it's all yer fault.. i know when sumtiems we quarrel..it's your fault and my fault...and i jsut wanted to admit..but have you ever let me??why i want to tell you know and dun wan you to dont blame me cuz last time when i was todl not to blame myself i listen and dun blame myself...but in the end i was shot back...was told i was to be blame for everything...so you see... i want to hold sum responsiblity...i want to know where i go wrong..and not push it all to you...i want to work together...and not letting you take it all on yerself..you once said...go throught thich and thin together...but why is it always seem you are doing it alone...why when i'm in trouble i allow you to help me...why is it when you tell me to express my feelings i did...but you never give me a chance to care fer you??i love you...and i dun understand why you were the one telling me to express myself..and when i did...you were unhappy?? i mean is...when im angry of cuz i'll be angry...and my tone and way of speaking will be angry too rite??wat you expect me to do??when i'm angry i still must luff and smile fer you??isnt that abit insane?? like i have to hide my emotion??if it is so...why tell me to express it out in the first place??i dun want to hide anything from you..i'm just wantin you to know wat's goin on...but when i start to speak...you always interupt...evertime you raise yer voice to ask me to listen... i did rite?? but have you??everytime i want to say i'm unhappy abt a certain thing abt you...and i want to tell you...but when i want to tell you...you jsut shut me out...if it is so..how can i tell you??do you know sumtimes i'm really hurt by you??but i jsut keep quiet and keep it in me?? i know you do tt same way too...but it's different...cuz you never allow me to speak..so i cant tell you...but you..i'm always telling you to tell me all tt yer feeling....but you seldom telling...darling...today you have made me lose myself...i didnt want to go back on who i was...but you pushed me till i did...it isnt nice...and i dun understnad when it's at the edge den you'll regret...why?? wat if one day i can stand no longer... i ust hang up on you and end it all....wont tt be too late??you wont even have the time to say you were sorri and you regret...you wont have time to think...wont have time to take back wat you said...it's lucky this time...den i still bother..so i didnt hang up...gd thing my family is at home...tt's wat holds me back a lil...otherwise...i wont be here typing on my blog...today i felt lifted...like the feeling yer time is up...can almost see me dead...darling...why is it at the last min you tell me all this??sumtime i feel you hate me...and i never once every forget i love you...even when we have a heated quarrel..i never once forget i love you...never...and up till now... i dun have to use my mind to love you...my heart itself have the feeling...i know you no longer have tt feeling when we were first together...you only love me cuz your mind tells you so...sumtimes it scares me when you're numb...it's really scary...and it worries me every day...tt you're wif me cuz yer brain tells you tt you want to be wid me....but wat does yer heart says??and today you really said sumthing you shdnt...it was killed so bad...i guess i'll never gonna be the same...darling...a councillor...wont be able to council her ownself...jsut like a doctor wont be able to see to himself when he is sick...you actually ruin wat i was proud of...sumthing i can look up to myself...ad tt was the only thing i can feel happy about...tt i wasnt useless...at least i can help people wif their probs...you used to tell me i was a gd councillor..tt i was able to help people...and i feel happy...happy you're proud of me too..and i look up to tt cuz it made me feel useful...but i guess it was all fake...you probably jsut said it to make me happy...i cant believe you just said i was a bad councillor jsut becuz i cant council myself...actually no one can council themself...and i'm not say a professional...im jsut happy and willing to help people wif their probs...and i feel sooo happy.. i could help..or bring a smile to sumone..but i think they're luffing at me...jsut like you who look down on me...tat i wasnt gd at all...maybe i'm not gd...it's probably the truth...you lied to me...tt i was gd...gave me false hope...i was made a fool..thinking i was able to help people...lil did i know tt i wasnt gd cuz you shouted at me today tt i wasnt..it hurt...but it's alrite...guess it's jsut the way it is...tt i was really useless...no wonder my bro said i'm nothing at all...still remember him saying i was a peice of shit useless to the society...haiz...i feel low...felt looked down...felt small...so small...i was never belittled...last time i whd have stnad up to you...telling you tt i am gd....but i've no longer have tt in me...guess i've grown weak...not as strong as i used to be...being pushed all over...haiz...wat a shame...cerena...the once strong minded girl...now turned into a timid person...unable to fite back...unable to stand up...AHHA...luff at myself...weak ass...haiz...such a loser...i dun have self esteem...i used too...the "feeling not useless" was my only gd self esteem...but now it's gone...alll down the drain...my eyes are still hurting...it hurt very much...and the tears didnt make it any better...i'm jsut so hurt...tt's all...haha..CERENA IS A BIG LOSER! ahah...that's all over my mind rite now...you never tried to find out why i'm so hot tempered huh??haha...if you were me when i was young...haah..den you'll get to know...tt i was abuse...by my mom....it hurts you know...to be pushed down the stairs and hit yer head at the edge...hurts when you are dragged by yer own hair...hurt when you're punched in the face...hurt when you're being slammed head to head wif yer brother..hahaah/..hurt tt you have to be so afraid of life...so scared of yer own mother...being threathened every now and then...dread to go to sch cuz you're aware tt you mite die any moment...so risky to go out when you know sumone is finding to kill you...guess you didnt know all those...it took so long...to build a new me...and was so happy it was faster ever since you came into my life...but today i was brought back...back to where i was last time...every thing gone...haiz...well...i dun know...i hope you'll understand tt even tho everyone has a prob...but no one prob is tt same...i know tt sum are worse den me...but..i jsut needed sumone...to love me...cuz...i've never been loved by anyone like you...and is saddening.. i cry myself to sleep...only able to weep softly so my family can see....it's hard you know...to not be able to cry when you're so sad...haha....well.. i cdnt find my lighter today...i hold you to yer words...tt you wont care if i want to burn myself...haiz...burn...a pain over taking another pain...it helps...seriously it does...tried cutting...but it wasnt pain...just alot of blood...but burn....it's so pain...so very very pain...like it jsut eats you up...the scar will always be here....i can still see my very old wound...haha....well..i burn cuz i hate myslef...fer hurting people i love...and it's hard...not to help myself..cuz the only was is burning...and you're stopping me...aint tt abit to wat lorx..i cant do tis cant do tt...wat can i do to help myself??can you help me??wat have you helped me not to hate myself?? haiz...was told i was childish today...am i???tell me??frankly...all i know is tt i'm facing reality...not being childish...haiz...if i were wif you...i'd run...run away...and cry....like a small girl...lost in a world she dun no...i'm so scared of you sumtimes...the way you scold me...it scares me...weird..but it does...haiz...dunno la...i hope you're not tired of reading this..but its wat i gotta say...i hope you understand...and hope tt for nexttime b4 you ever think of saying anything.. i hope you think it through....cuz it can make permernent damage...gd nite...and take care kayz...

10.june.2004

2004-07-10T23:30:00.000+08:00

Playful

YEAH! so fun today!!!! ahah blehz...hada wonderful day wif edwin...altho not much time but happy enuff to see him...and at last...can watch spider man 2 !!! haiz...cant wait to watch another movie wif him!! hee hee!!haiz...we went back after tt show..but had real fun talknig to him..spending my time wif him all the way back to tam...really happy today...mish you darling sho much..cant wait to see u again...really miss you like crazy!!!arhz!!!
well...today kinda okie...tok to keng....h.m.m catch up on alot of stuffy...haben been toking seriously wif each other fer a long time...yeahz...and got a surprise call from colin...but tok fer like two mins den told him wanna watch teevee!! haha...sorri kor..i tok to you other day when i free kayz...hee hee...well...very full now...dinner was fab! haha...hm.m.m thats all for today...nth much...haiz...buaiz...

Your soul is STEADFAST. You are a fiercely loyal
person who would never cross a loved one.
People always know they can rely on you and
your dependability is well-known. You're
probably a little on the quiet side, but your
faithfulness is never doubted, and you always
back up your kith and kin whether they want or
need it or not. You are a dependable and
trusted soul.

9.july.2004

2004-07-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

h.m.m...today arhz...very tired...haiz...not enough sleep.. i know now late..sorri darling..me do this blog den sleep le..waiting fer mi hair to dry kayz...yeah...well...today...h.m.m isacc ng didnt come...go SAC to chill...fun..crap alot wif wen and mich...well...chinese pu zhu sure fail de...haiz..haha...yeah..wat else..today got mathz...end of it mr goh look at me..den like as if asking me whether i got it rite..den told him i understand and got it rite...den he say know how to do can liao..angry never mind...haah...den some one "luff" real loud lorx....haiz...mr goh trying to like tell me dun be like this anymore...well..this wont last 4eva...but it wont be shortlived anyway...ahha..blehz..today at SAC sumone..hor...h.m.m dun say le...well...let's not tok about it...
haiz...*beep* was flirting again...and so is ridz..but ridz is like so normal..cuz he practically flirts wif everyone unless it's people like mich...*opps* hahaha...well...*beep*(name cant be writen..later sumone unhappy..but she wont see dis blog hoR?ahah..nvm) well...today flirt ya...haiz..nvm forget it..aint gonna smile back next time...haha...well...today at SP..waste so much time...so sian summore...well....me and ying sat in front of this group of boys made out of sec 1 and 2...wah liaoz..in auditorium also dunno how ta behave...wa liaoz..nv seen places like dat b4 mehz??nv sit on folded chairs b4 mehz?wah liaoz..kao pei so much....den they speak so loud me and ying just went "shh!" den this idiot say "go toilet la!" den i was like scold him back lor like "wat the hell you said?" den he was like chee bye ..tiam la!" i was sho pissed i said another explicit word back at him...well..he threw more at me...and i stopped it and told him :" if you want to scold me..look me in the eye and scold me..dun look away...scold me la! dun need to hide!" well..he stop after tt...cuz all the while when he trying to act big to scold me he kept looking away..not daring to look and scold me in the face....three words! : ham ji kia! childish...so old liaoz still behave like tt...typical ass moungens!well..they kept shut the whole while...den our turn to perform...chinese dance was sucking as usual...my god..so horrid!! haha...well..wat else...yeah...me and keng went to buy snikers...raudah bit a peice off my choc!! haah...no la.. she ask for it..and i offer..ahah...see sho kind? haha..rubbish!! ahaha...well...den later..haha..make new sec one frenz..ahhah..guess they cant get enuff of my nuttiness...kept asking me to sit wif them to tok....very nice to tok to me mehz? i tot i forever boring de?ahah..dunno la...well..went out today...go for dinner...wif ying...yah..everyone keep looking at me...dunno why...nv wear anything skimpy wat...haiz...well ying helped me today lorx~~ hee hee..oh yah...ate meat..forgot today friday..sianz..haiz..wat to do??sorry GOD! forgive me...well..saw the cute grass monsta!! anyone know this kinda stuff?? i used to play them when i was young...den tat trend faded...den now it's back!!! sho fun manz!!hahh ying help me buy..cuz me no $$ le...i buy sumthing ex...arhz..small thing cost $2...hmm.m. very small lehz..wah liaoz..haiz..nvm..got it for ed and myself..haha...den we went shopping for ying's shoe..she got one black pair of heels for the performance and another platform for outing...for jusr $39!! cheap huhz??ahah..well...went back after tt..oh ya..ate at bk..wa liaoz!! so many flies!!! nv notice till ying told me...den it becum more worst!!! so many niaz!! wah liaoz..den the wall look like got black spot...but they are not spots!! it's flies!! my god..so many niaz..den got alot drop on people..and they dunno!!! arhz!!! scary!!! den i change place...scared one drop on me!! arhz!!den got two big big one lehz!!! so big!! my god!! shd have seen it den you know wat i mean by big!!! den got one hit my head...well we had enuff so we took our drinks and leftover fd and ran out!!! haha..den people tot we crazy...they never know tt above them got at leasst!!! 50 flies!!!! all ready to drop any moment!!! arhz!! well..tok to ed...angry at bro..wah liaoz..dun tok about it..only makes me boil!! well..ed made me real happy today!! thx darling!!! lubs you loads!!!! gonna sleep liaoz..arhz!! matt asking for song..well.. gtg liao how to give? dun give la! haha..blehz!! still dare to say..blehz!! i know ed is saying you did the rite thing!! haha!! well..he's crapping bout my nick...argz!!!!! sianz...

Sad... You use the darkness to hide yourself from
the world. Something has really hurted you,
which made you turn dark. Darkness makes you
feel save and that is why you stay there.

8.july.2004 no. 2!

2004-07-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

lyrics of da day!!!!

Artist: Kanye West
Album: College Dropout
Title: Jesus Walks

Yo, We at war
We at war with terrorism, racism but most of all we at war with ourselves
(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me) with me with me with me [fades]

You know what the Midwest is?
Young & Restless
Where restless Niggaz might snatch your necklace
And next these Niggaz might jack your Lexus
Somebody tell these Niggaz who Kanye West is
I walk through the valley of Chi where death is
Top floor the view alone will leave you breathless Uhhhh!
Try to catch it Uhhhh! It's kinda hard hard
Getting choked by the detectives yeah yeah now check the method
They be asking us questions, harass and arrest us
Saying "we eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
Huh? Yall eat pieces of shit? What's the basis?
We ain't going nowhere but got suits and cases
A trunk full of coke rental car from Avis
My momma used to say only Jesus can save us
Well momma I know I act a fool
But I'll be gone til November I got packs to move I Hope

[HOOK x2]
(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that me feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long

To the hustlas, killers, murderers, drug dealers even the strippers
To the victims of Welfare for we living in hell here hell yeah
Now hear ye hear ye want to see Thee more clearly
I know he hear me when my feet get weary
Cuz we're the almost nearly extinct
We rappers are role models we rap we don't think
I ain't here to argue about his facial features
Or here to convert atheists into believers
I'm just trying to say the way school need teachers
The way Kathie Lee needed Regis that's the way yall need Jesus
So here go my single dog radio needs this
They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus
That means guns, sex, lies, video tapes
But if I talk about God my record won't get played Huh?
Well let this take away from my spins
Which will probably take away from my ends
Then I hope this take away from my sins
And bring the day that I'm dreaming about
Next time I'm in the club everybody screaming out

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks)
The only thing that I pray is that me feet don't fail me now

8.july.2004

2004-07-08T21:38:00.000+08:00

lalala....well..today arhz...okie lorx...sian lorx...ahah art started on silk painting le!!! whoo hoo!! today tok tok wid ridz...haah...and wif nafis and farhan..haah..but mostly wif ridz la..cuz nafis keep writing wif his blood!! sick rite?? saw the blood i went lickin my lips..haha...nv notice till ridz tell me!! haah..my god..wat's wrong wid me?? haah..maybe i remember wat blood taste like...its kinda nice...serious!! well...today co nth much..ahah...played for like 15 mins only??boring rite??ahah...oh yah..took class photo today..ahah..smile like siao!! haah..well fun shot me and mich and mish did sumthing cute and unique!! hah..guess wat??ahah dont tell you!! i will post the pic onec i get it!! whoo hoo!! haha...sho fun...oh yah...goh kinda like want to ask me not to be angry liaoz..cuz today take pic need to sit beside him cuz class leader..haiz...den i keep smiling crazily at mich..den he said..dun angry..be happy...den mich ans him :"i really angry la you gay partner!!" den goh was like saying that was meant for me...haiz..mr goh..me not a evil person..will forgive you..but you better dont make my life any miserable!!!hahah blehz..oh yah..had a lil conflict wid ed..but it helped us...ahah..weird huhz..arguement can help..haah..well..it kinda help us uderstnad each other more...haiz...darling...really love you niaz..and i will always forgive you..hope you will too..haiz..I REALLY LOVE U!!! EDWIN!!!!!!!!!!haiz...darling..this thing has bond us closer...let's used this chance..i love you and wont leave you..

and hor...wa liaoz...today got some info abt this woman...welll you know nth...dont try to act innocent and so guai..cuz yer not...well...dont even try to pretend you very teachers pet lorx...haiz..you very wat lorx...trying to like show off you love mathz too much... dun knn here knn there la..act guai go seriously act guai la..dun try to act ah lian also...good thing sumone scold you today...you and yer mouth..think you sho li hai...you think wat i tok abt my personal stuff to sumone you wanna listen..who wanna let you know??den you heard sum part you still dare to luff...think wat??later yer guy leave you den see how you cry manz!! dun think too highly bout yerself...you bullshit woman...well.. i myself sw wat my info was telling me abt...so it's true...well...you very ham ji kia...always use same method to scold peeps..well...one day surely kena de...but dun worri.. i aint gonna do anything..cuz it simply waste my oh so presious time!! you better go get a life lorx...fancy saying people change when it is you who did lorx...everyone can see tt...dun try to deny and protect yerself..cuz you yerself betrayed yerslef!!you're jsut being an ass...knn here knn there...you lao kui la!! you very oldern leh!! knn so out! wah liaoz..ke si ah le!well...you ass..shd have not helped you..gd think i stop when stop me!!otherwise mite have regret again!!..you selfish idiot..care fer yer own...wonda how yer guy stand you..he must be suffering so much he chock till he cant even say a word out but can only pretend to be happy wif you..well..you better act properly lorx...cuz yer guy is holding on wif his last grip!!!aha one word for you!!! "ASS"

lalala

2004-07-07T21:22:00.000+08:00

7.july.2004

2004-07-07T16:04:00.000+08:00

arhz!!!...ytd sho piss!!! that mr goh just sucks...first time nehz..i will actually lose my cheery side in school..never once lose my cool like tt in school lorx...arhz!!! make me sho piss...fist nearly went flying to his fucking face!!! arhz!!!see la..stupid him...go die la...haah..today class did sumthing farni..hah...well..that mr goh...hmph!dun care manz..ehz gonna be very cheery in yer class liaoz..wont give you tt "i'm happy to learn" attitude...give you a very buay song attitude...the "unhappy to see you" look will be what yo're getting until i finally feel better...hmph! hhhaha...well today got talent time..haha..scream our ass off manz!! hahaha..maybe shd go join next year??yeah??ahahah...keng...join wif me lehz!! haha..aint doin it solo...so scary niaz..ahaha...well..next year last year liaoz lehz..makes do sumthing ma!! hahaha..ya?ahahh...well..today okie lorx...just cant forget ytd..goh nv tell me to stay back...kinda preventing a deja vu...ahaha...well he didnt had a nice day today niaz...very piss...cuz of key prob...haiz...see la...shdnt quarrel wif me de..cuz me got guardian angel dee...(supposelingly is dashingly charming!!!)haah..well..he or it is looking after me..ahah..so guess it's retribution for wrong accusation towards me?hmph! aint my fault!blehz...haahah..you better go thank edwin..keng..and ying..they help me cool down de lehz!!otherwise mite have really do evil stuffy againsnt you!! stupid...blehz..ahaha..okie la..cut the crappy..oh ya!! i got new refrigirator liaoz!!haahah..sho big..haha..not so big cuz not enuff space la...who ask for that built in cabinate...haha..so cant have a big big fridge..ahah..but it's still really big...can put more den me inside nehz!!ahah...hiyo...why my old fridge so fast spoil de??ahahah...well nvm la...got new one very happy!!hhah..yeah...haiz..sianz..okie la..go go le..sianz..ahah..buaiz buaiz!!

You are the Goddess of Earth. You are very stable
and dependable since the Goddesses rest apon
you. You are very materialistic. Somtime cold
and distant, but that might be because you need
to get what needs to be done, done. But yet you
are everyone elses strength. You are the most
Stable of the Goddesses, since without you the
other Goddesses would not exist.
Other Earth Goddesses: Ceres, Cerridwyn, Demeter,
Gaia, Persephone, Epona, Kore, Mah, Prithivi,
Rhea, Rhiannon

4.july.2004

2004-07-04T21:09:00.000+08:00

lalala...jsut came back from eating a sumptious dinner...so superb!!! ahah....wat i ate??haah..well.. i had bbq stingrays!! yum yum!!den got wat else??oh yeah...wat's that called?? friend hokkien prawn noodles...from newton!!!!sedap!! hahaha...sho yummy manz~~ it's like..whoa!! haha..it's the while one btw..ahha..oh yeah..den got satay!!ahaha...mutton and pork..yum yum.. i ate alot..some my dada go buy one big stingray and one small one..aahaha...den this bloody big plate of the mee..and 20 satays~~ hahah...den wanted to bring us to gelang eat durain..but after all that food...ahah..we decided not to...cuz...sooo full!!!!haah...haiz..suppose to go swensens eat ice cream...cuz my bro la...never dress properly...so go there he feels pai seh..so in hte end never get to eat...sobx sobx...haiz..nvm...sum other time bahz...haah...well...me go go le..aahah..very full naiz,..ahahah..buaiz buaiz...

3.july.2004

2004-07-04T18:35:00.000+08:00

haiz..sianz sianz day today...leg muscles are all pain..all becuz of ytd youth day la....opening ceremony...haiz...so stupid nehz~~ ahaha...well...bowen sec won overall...but tk won best perfomrmance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arhz!!!! yeah!!! i support tk niaz!~~ they rock!!! hahaah..their militry band that is ..ahha....i still remember i was in sec one when i first say them and i really tot the band major was sooooooooooo handsome!! hahaha...was basically crooning over him that time..ahah...well i think he graduated le...haha...so he not inside this year..ahah..no wonder tot how come this year band major so skinny de..haha...well..they still rock..haha..bowen won cuz the band major was female~~ so wat lorx...cuz only female there got more chance....wat's this?!?how can...she drop the stick like so many times lorx...den so pai sei de lorx...i guess they won cuz they shook their butt!! hahah...well the band major really shook her ass real hard...hahaah...and cuz htey played louder lorx..but formation was like nth lorx....tk formation was SUPERB!!!! extreme lorx...ahah...well...i scream and shout for tk..haha...saw edwin sch on hte opp. of the stadium...ahahah...one big gree patch there...so obvious!!! hahah...tihs year got alot of lower sec people go...ahha...see lots in shorts~~ hhah...boring..hahah..no la..it's like they're so tall...and they wear shorts...like ...eeee...ahha...well had really fun fun day until i came home...stupid ass brother....idiot manz..hate hate hate him!!! arhz!! he hor..very wat lor...haiz..dun say le..later i die again...

well overall edwin helped me chill lorx...haiz...fun fun day today...very boring tho...ahaha..okie gtg le...going to bath den go eat dinner...ahah...eating out!! bbq stingray manz!!! hahahaha...rawkz!!!!ahah...

2.july.2004

2004-07-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

lalala...ahahah...kinda happy today lorx..haha...well...did alto of shity stuff wif ker ling and ying yue...haah..sho farni..haha...well buy cake niaz...choc cake..not say really good choc but kinad nice la...den ler ling and ying buy fruit de..nice lehz..haha...den we all go buy drinks..den later buy durian!! haha!! say we crazy liaoz..ahah...sho fun sho fun!! haha...den went back to my house and eat..ahah..den tok and tok..ahahah...siao one today...ahah..sho tired niaz..today sleep in class..ahha..sho fun..no one care...teacher also like cant be bothered to ask me wake up le..see me always sleep..give up le..ahha...well...i this few days very sleepy...and not enuff sleep.....now me not feeling too well...my head is really pain now..it's hurting..haiz..msut be too heaty due to all the choc cake and durian and lime drink..ahahah...plus all the running up and down..haah...den not enough sleep...haiz...better stop this crazy thingy..otherwise for sure kena sick liaoz...haiz...think i gonna go liaoz..haiz...mish my darling sho muchy today..take carie okie!! muacksy!

1.july.2004

2004-07-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

haiz..sianz..today so tired..haiz...slp in class niaz...today angry wif alot of people...haha...michelle wah liao..hai wo ans qns..haiz...another anger is due to sum idiot..haiz...sho pissing..haiz haiz...tmd...haiz...well...happy wif edwin le..hee hee...yeah! haha..today very boring la...yeah...thank keith for making things better...aww...thx di..really grateful for you concern...hee hee...well.. i hope things goes better each day bahz..hope tml will be a gd day...really looking forward on meeting edwin this monday !!we going...hahaha...to watch movie..yeah..and lots of other stuff..haha...darling you know rite??hahah ...okie la..gtg liaoz..so tired...still gotta do hw...siaoz..haiz..dun feel like doing..haha...shd i do?? no?yes?? haah.. i think i wont do bahz...he hee...rememver...this saturday at ten pm..on star world got this really cool show!! arhz..talking bout cool show... i missed chris angel!!! hahaha...arhz...see la..wasted sial...ahha..okie la...say will end till now haven end..ahah buaiz buaiz~~

30.june.2004

2004-06-30T20:28:00.000+08:00

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................sad..................................sad.........................................................sad.....................................sad............................sad............................sad...................sad..........

sad...very sad...cant cry...very sad to cry...burn today...sad....sad......sad.......sad......sad.....sad....

the flame just excites me...i feel the adrenalin gonig through me...a wonderful sensation that satisfy the hunger of my evil....been wiped...wiped off me...so not me today....sad...utterly sad....cover my face and run away...from all my nitemares...sad....pain...sad...pain....sad....give me my adrenalin...i need it...lungs need a stomper...need...a need...give me...i need...it's a need....cant help it...force myself .....no....yes....no....yes....final...it's no...why?why??stupid...yes...promise yes...i need to lite...need to breathe...my lungs wanna puff....giddy...yes...very...going...out...my mind...lose...myself....all control....lost....need....sumone...need....my angel....fall...fall....fall...to my ground....lay....lay....lay....rest....peacefully....i smell...smell...smell...the fire....feel...heat...waiting...pain....help....feel....high...fly...fly....fly....high...very high....sad.....burn....alive...pain...continue....helps....pain....feel....burn....tears....tasteless....pain...unbearable....leave.....scar....hurts....burn...skin....peels...pain....stnad...no ....longer....cant take it...too pain...unbearable....too....much....hurts....bad....burn...big....pain...cry...scream....slaps...countless....ownself...sad....

bye...

29.june.2004

2004-06-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

today arhz..almost late for school sia!!! haahah...woke up at six thirty...den i stupidly jsut off my phone..haah..well..heng kai sing ask ying to sms me..that one sms saved my day!!! THX KAI SING AND YING YUE!haah...well..didnt get to bath...so sucky..my god.. whole damn day...make me so uncomfortable..haiz..well..cuz of this very bad mood in sch..haiz..ahha..well..sumhow to tday p.e teacher took my height and said i was 1.58!!! how cum???why??did i shrink??haiz...dunno..haah..wel..weight haha... 49 niaz..haha..gonna aim for 45 kg..h.m.m that's kinda too lite huhz??dunno..aghah maybe 57kg??h.m.m?dunno..haiz..haha...tml got CO...why???arhz!!!!and saturday..haiz..why today so not nice one...sho sucky..why why!! arhz!!!just not very gd day today la..haiz...well...den han yi came..didnt get to tok to edwin long..but at least can tok for a while...hee hee..happy lorx..haiz..i feel sho happy speaking to him..guess he made my day...haah..well..at least happy now lorx..haiz..tml still need to go back to sch...sianz..haiz...so unhappy sei..haiz haiz haiz...dunno la...so tired..think better sleep soon..later tml like this morning again..haha...buaiz buaiz...

28.june.2004

2004-06-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

haiz...sianz sianz sianz...ahah today first day of sch..haah..alot of farny things happen...luffter was everywhere..hugs were given...haah..loads of stuffy..ahah..quite enjoyable...not bad i can say..ahah..yah..lot of people didnt believe i cut my own hair..ahah..den when they ask me again i told them i go reds cut..then they were like..hannor...where can you cut de..den they like..but where you get the $$ go cut??haah..den i jsut tell them is i ownsel cut de..den they jsut keep quiet..haah..why no one believe me de??ahhaha sho farni..well..had great fun la..can say so..ahah...once again get to bully mr goh..ahha..sho happi..oh yah..physics teacher change to issac ng..eeee...so er xin!! arhz!!!well let's see wat will happen den..haha...haiz..keng say i shdnt add the cute puffys on my webby...why???????????hahaah...well..dunno la..hack la..watever la..see abt it later on la..ahha..blehz..okie..i go go le..dont sho luo shuo..ahha..buaiz

biju biju!hamsta rawks!

27.june.2004

2004-06-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

arhz!! tml must go back to sch le...i dun wan i dun wan!! arhz!! haiz...today change my song to confession..ahhaha...usher too nice le..ahah...well..today went to kenny rogers to eat...h.m.m yum yum...very nice..tok to edwin in the afternoon..den at nite for a while..den got surprise call again!! haha..today watch a very farni chinese show..haah..luff like siao..hahaha..today my dada siao one..buy so many useless thing cum home..who wanna eat oreo??ahah..he also go buy so many toilet paper..when our hs so many liaoz..haah.. maybe cuz after eating so much oreo need the toilet paper la..haah..oh ya..brother tell me lame joke..he asked "wat do you call an indian standing under a coconut tree? you not wat was the ans??Fertilizers! ahaha...very bad rite??den one more lame joke...erm..ya..no bad blood wif indians okie..sorri..jsut a joke..no harsh feelings yea?haha..well next was wat do you call an indian holy man(priest) ans is holy shit! haha...luff like siao..pretty lame la..and very insulting..haiz..ahah...well..my bro's crazy..wat to do?hee hee...well..today simply happy la..tml going back to sch le...gonna go wif a bang! hhaah...wierdly i feel scared to go to sch..dunno why..ahah..well..guess i just hate sch la..hahah..okie shall not crap any longer..goody nitey..sweetie dreamy..ahah..PeAcE oUt!

27.june.2004

2004-06-27T02:47:00.000+08:00

ahha..sho late le...or is it..o0o0o0o so early manz..haha either way...well..now not sleeping time..but do chinese hw time.. i was suppose to do it for the whole day of 26.june..which wasa few hrs ago..but i chose to sleep..hee hee..well here i am all gear up to do chinese!! ahah..guess i do my work better late at nitez..probably i'm more alive when the sky is dark..ahhaah..well..i'll stop here...need to get back to work...peace out...

26.june.2004

2004-06-26T20:45:00.000+08:00

arhz!!!! today is saturday!!!! tml last day!!! arhz!!!! sianz..going back to sch soon...damn..why why???i dun wan!!!hee hee..haiz...i have cramps...arhz...why why..so bad till today unable to do my work..haizz...tml must do lehz..die die..haiz..sho many niaz...haiz...how how??haiz..today like hamsta in pain..my darling is hamsta in sickness..me in pain...sho sad..bao bei...must take alritey?? drink water kayz..keep yourself warm kayz..muacksy!! haiz..me today never do anything..got hit andrew head cuz he no rhyme or reason say i suck...cerena is not meant to be played wif kayz...well shouted at them cuz htey made to much noise while i was sleeping..stupid rite..get out of my house la...haiz..okie la.still in pain...gtg liaoz buaiz buaiz...

25.june.2004

2004-06-25T21:43:00.000+08:00

lalalala...oohhhh weee..ahahah..siaoz...now watching MTV shooo cool...this really cool show!! wow~!!!this bmx stunts thingy...shoo cool manz!!! wish can do such a stuff!!! hahaah..well today went to study!! wid edwin!! yeah!! haha..later still must do study sianz...now cahting wif edwin on msn..haha...oh yah!! today my sis finally came back home!!! arhz!!! jie!! gimme a huggy!!!haha mishing you sho muchy niaz!!! hee hee..quite happy today..ahah..did most of my work!!! haha... cool!! yeah!! haah okie dun type muchy..oh yah...took a quiz...on which celeb. i'll marry??hahaah..well here it is....

You are going to marry Brad Pitt. He is always
friendly to anybody he ever meets and he is
very talented as an actor. He is also very
sincere and friendly. He will respect you until
the day he dies. Congrats!!

24.june.2004

2004-06-24T15:15:00.000+08:00

hamsta foreva!haiz hiaz...haben do my hw yet...think must do tonite bahz...ddie die...haiz...still go so many chinese hw to do..sianz..really need to do it later..or else die arhz!!hate my brother...he suckx...go and die la..idiot...so fucked out de leh you..wah liaoz..so short tempered...just because you got your frenz at here dont need to hao lian you very tua pai wat..ars hole..you think yor frenz find you great meh? think to highly bout yerself liao la..wah kao...ke si la...wah liaoz...haiz..sho pissing...

sho angry!! arhzz!!!

23.june.2004 part two!!

2004-06-23T22:31:00.000+08:00

arhz!!! very angry arhz!!!! sho pissed...stupid bitch...by the name of sabrina..add me on msn..den said hi so i say hi lorx..den dunno who she is ma..ask who lorx..den she say sabrina..so i dunno which one as i know so many..so i ask sabrina who..she replied :your head arhz.....go TO HELL!!!

stupid rite...wah liaoz..wat an ass...like tt also scold..lao niang unhappy kayz.. poke yer chee bye wif a ten foot pole arhz!!! chee bye..kan ni na bu chao chee bye..fuck yer mother la..stupid..dont do that to peeps kayz... me wont find you but if you do this to other ..they mite find you and make yer life a living hell ok!haiz...you're forgiven...

23.june.2004

2004-06-23T19:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY EIGHT ANNIVESARY LAO GONG!!muaks!! together long long le..let's last forever!! muacksy!! 245 days liaoz!!! really happy nehz... love you lots!! hee hee!! today go out worx!! had gd time learning from you...did 3 hrs plus of study nehz..cant believe it at all sei!! ahaha..miricle for tt to happen on me...ahaha blehz..well...really had alot of joy spending today wif you..really a wondreful day!!! i enjoyed it so much!!!hee hee..hope to see you soon niaz...lub you...edwin lao gong and cerena lao po wan sui!!

22.june.2004

2004-06-22T16:59:00.000+08:00

oOoOo...created a blog...how interesting...dont know why but just suddenly feel like doing one..ahah...well..nothing much happen today...ahh keng msn nick was asking who had a crush on him..told it i do..hahaah..well he know i was joking..ahah..duhz...well asked him if i seriously do wat is his reaction..he told he'll be honoured..ahahh..kool huhz??well keng..me dunt have crushie on you ...did chinese hw today...arhz..die..so many need to do..siao onez..how how..few more days left only..die arh die...well..guess i have to work hard already...but i'm still very lazy to do so...how??h.m.m. okie..thats all for today..